Some Community and Church People Also Helped

Near the beginning of this Waterlily blog, I said my parents didn't know about the police project but I think I was mistaken?  When I was 3 or 4 years old, my dad bought a good-quality, used piano from a prominent man in my hometown.  There are stories in film about this man and I have reason to believe he talked to my dad about the police project....  Some business people and church people also knew about it; and some of them affected me directly or indirectly when I was young [without me knowing exactly what was happening, at the time]....  There were both negative and positive experiences....

Last, but not least, I met my husband-to-be just after I turned 21 years of age.  The police started talking to him soon after--which I found out later--and I believe he was connected to the police off and on for about ten years?  There's been evidence that the police valued his support for the police project and even though he didn't tell me what was going on, he gave me some strong hints before he died....  I can appreciate what my late, ex-husband's intentions were [have written about him before] and I'm sure he would've wanted me to use my best judgment about how to proceed and how to help the police....

Some Family and Family Friends Have Helped

For the record, it wasn't only the Irishman who was telling stories about me to the police when I was a child and youth....  I had some family friends--their children--who were doing the same...and stories were told in film...and some of these people continued supporting the police to this day, as far as I know.  Also, my uncle's family and one cousin supported the police and me....  This cousin has been supporting the "quality police" and he's a millionaire, if I may say....  He's been very successful in his business and in his personal life, as a heterosexual person....

Some Gay People Disapprove of Gay Rights...

Have heard a hint a little while ago that the "African man" is a bi-sexual.  Is that true?  If it is, it's possible he has a conflict within himself between heterosexuality and homosexuality...?  Have wondered the same thing about the "Irishman" also...?

If these people have a conflict, it's possible they want their heterosexual side to win...?  And if so, it's fine for them to make whatever choices they wish for themselves...but they don't have a right to trample on or forbid the legitimate rights of other gay people...!  I believe I've had this concern about the adjudicator in the past, as well...?

In my strong opinion, there are gays who NEED to have the right to get married, whether they actually do so, or not?  If the African man or the Irishman need more information, they should read my posts in the last month or so, in this blog....  And I'm not sure if they've seen the pamphlet about gay issues that I wrote for my church [and for other interested people] about five years ago?  I think the African man would approve of it...and my then pastor and his wife, and some church members, did...!  [Would the local police like to receive the pamphlet, in order to pass on to the African man and/or the Irishman?--I'll wait for a response....]

There was an older gentleman, who police spoke to, who was one of the two founders of Homosexuals Anonymous.  This man disapproved of gay marriage...but I don't believe he was right...and he has since died....

Acknowledging the Irishman Further

There's one part of the story about the Irishman that I haven't addressed yet.  He was one of the first ones tho was telling stories about me to the special police project when I was a young child, and he was only slightly older....  The police had asked for his help....  And then at some point, after the Irishman had outlived most of the police involved, the police said he could take over the case...!?  The Irishman had also been told I was gay, and he was just waiting for me to get in line with his program?  I wouldn't blame him if that's what he was thinking....  And the Irishman also had a lot of police who were helping him, and talking to people in the community--including my church's leaders in Canada....

The Irishman might want to say that my power in the special police project came from him...since he seemed to start the stories [some of them] many years and decades ago?  I'd totally understand if the Irishman was thinking that way...!?

There seem to be a lot of Christians who've heard a story something like the above...!  I emphasize that it's a CHRISTIAN story [which Christians tell], which Christians seem to like and appreciate...!  [Some have told this story in film.]  It must be a lot easier and less threatening than to believe there's some OTHER gay rights project going on, which involves the police!?  Maybe some Christians even think they're being charitable by accepting the story...?  They think they're doing the world and the police a favour!?

Will write more about this matter on another day....

The Adjudicator Offended Me Sometimes...

There's just one other issue that has to do with the former adjudicator.  In 2005, I asked him about romantic stories about him and me [discreetly] in movies and TV; and a judge in the criminal court specifically asked him if he knew anything...and he said no.  But it seems he was lying?  I don't want to make a big deal about it now because the "Ontario lawyer" and/or his associates seemed to believe he was and they knew the reason why.  They said the adjudicator wanted to be in a position to dominate my business in the police project--if he had been romantically involved with me, or pretended to want to be....  Is that true enough?  I never fell for those stories and I found them upsetting....  The adjudicator had been offended by me earlier, and I was offended by him sometimes; and I wasn't looking for a romantic relationship with him any longer.  By this time, I believe we've pretty much gotten past our issues...and the Ontario lawyer or his agents are ready to step into the police project when necessary....  [We're working.--Will write more later....]

My Writing Helped to Inspire

In the special police project, sometimes the police have spoken to other people about my writing in a positive way...and some of these people included religious and government leaders....  I can't prove it but I have reason to believe it....  Sometimes the police talked about their own ideas and sometimes about mine....  And both the police and I have given ideas to the film/TV writers....

NOTE ADDED ON DECEMBER 2:  Need to say that the police [and firefighters] have also used stories or ideas from other civilians, besides myself, who have advised or supported the police project.  And some of these stories have been used in film/TV.

We Wanted to Inspire People...

In the previous post, I said we've been looking for political answers and getting past religious objections in the special police project for the LGBTQ+ people....  We weren't especially trying to get into politics, ourselves, but the police have been talking to people on a one-to-one basis...and the film/TV people have produced work to help the issues, also....  I believe some people in our society have gone past the police efforts, and that's a good thing....  We wanted to inspire people...!  That is, some of us did...and others still seem to be dragging their feet...? 

Will probably wait to get some feedback from my latest concerns in this Waterlily blog, before I write too much more...?  And if there's no feedback, that'd be a problem...!  [Would have to figure out what to do about it...?] 

The African Man vs. Me

The "African man" has a lot of education from good schools....  He has studied politics and philosophy but I don't know if he's been using that knowledge for the police project...?  In the special project, I'd say we've been looking for political answers...but we had to get past religious objections to do it....  Myself, I have some university education in religion, even though I didn't finish my degree....  But I've had a personal interest in religion and have done my own study, also....  If I haven't been a GREAT help to the police project, at least I've done something; and it has taken sacrifice on my part--not always, or not usually, with a knowledge beforehand of what was going to happen!

The African man also has training in finances and I think that's what he's been using the most in the police project?  And right now, the police and firefighters are behind our society in their views on gay rights...!  [Some of them are--and they're holding the others up?]  Is it thanks partly to the Irishman...?  Are we going to get caught up, or what?  How much money is enough???  And when will people ever collect their money if there's always a fight going on...!?

To Clarify--part 3

Would just like to write a little more about the matters in question....

One of the leaders of my church was on a Christian, satellite TV show a while ago and he told a story--which someone had presumably told him....  He didn't say so, but the police have typically spoken to different people in society about these kinds of things....

It was a hypothetical story about a Christian, pizza shop owner....  Some people were planning a wild party with drinking and drugs, and they wanted pizza to eat....  Should the shop owner refuse service on the grounds that he disapproved of wild parties...???  No, of course not.  Pizza is pizza, and it wasn't the owner's problem about what the people were going to do with themselves....  And it's the same with things like wedding cakes for gay marriages...!!!  [If there's a figurine on top of the cake which shows either a traditional marriage or a gay one, the baker could allow the purchaser to add their own figurine, if they wish...?  (Do they still use those things?)  But I don't think Christians should judge....]

The man who told this story wasn't a young man, he was elderly and had been the head of his department for some time....  I don't recall the exact point he was trying to make with this story but I believe it showed he was becoming more open-minded about gay marriage--and he did specifically mention gay marriage....  Earlier, I'd seen a negative comment about gay marriage on this man's department's Facebook site....  I've noticed it's usually harder for older people to change their minds...but people can change!!! 

To Clarify--part 2

If the Irishman and/or his associates want to know what evidence I have, I might prefer it if they'd talk to me privately...?  Some information relates to personal details about my family....  [Or, I can sometimes write in the private part of this blog....]

The police and Christian police wanted to find the best answers for gay issues, I believe....  And it's not best to be prejudiced and judgmental, if I may say...!  Some Christians still lack basic information about homosexuality--like that not all gays are associated with pedophilia and bestiality, etc., as one definition went...!  If homosexuality is a sin, it's not the worst sin that could happen...and I believe it's correctly not viewed as a psychiatric illness any longer...and it shouldn't be a crime...!!!  I think it's very unfair to say the practise of homosexuality is a crime....  There are smaller sins than homosexuality, in my opinion, but there are also bigger sins, as I said....  [That's what I learned earlier from a Christian pamphlet on homosexuality....] 

To Clarify for the "Irishman"

Have definitely seen evidence that the "Irishman" wants me to cave in to what I've called the negative, or the conservative, Christians.  My hometown, where the Irishman used to live, is also mainly conservative.  But I can make a positive connection between the early Christians who prayed in the police project and myself....  People didn't recruit me in order to put down gay issues...!  Will say that I don't plan to cave in and it's the conservative Christians who will need to improve their views....

In churches like mine, they can ban the performance of gay marriage within the church, but they shouldn't forbid or disapprove of it OUTSIDE the church, in my opinion....  And where simple sales transactions are concerned, like wedding cakes or flowers, I don't believe Christians should refuse the sales....  Some other services, like wedding photography or family counselling, are more complicated....

My work hasn't been mainly religious, I wouldn't say, but it's been more political...?  I'm not a lawyer and I might not always know how to explain...but I'm doing my best....

The "pro-gay" side which is supporting the police project now probably doesn't want to hear a lot about religious views but I believe it's necessary to work through our remaining problems--so that conservative Christians don't continue to condemn gays and gay marriage in society....

Is the Irishman going to continue to fight me and expect me to go along with him???  Will his superiors allow him?  We'll have to work on things....  Maybe the superiors want to be gracious towards the Irishman and allow him to make up his own mind...since he's helped them a lot earlier?  Will try to make my writing as clear and concise as possible...!--Or at least to clarify in between, if there's going to be anything else that's complicated...?

P.S.  Maybe it's a question of judgment for the Christians...?  They're entitled to have their own standards...but they shouldn't judge other people who aren't part of the group...!  The Bible says we shouldn't judge others....  That's how I see it.

Does God Care About the Police Project?--part 2

Have written before that there's been a sensible side and a frivolous side of the police project....  Was everything God's will...???  God didn't especially approve of all the goofy and silly things that were done but they were allowed for a reason....  And sometimes there were problems and misunderstandings that people didn't intend to happen--or sometimes they WERE intended....  It's been complicated...!  I think there's a lot of healing that could take place between the police parties...?  The sensible side has, so far, not been coming forward very much....  But I'm encouraged by the efforts of the "Ontario lawyer" and/or his associates who've been working with me for a while and are continuing....  As far as I know, they're responsible for some of the actions I've seen....

More or less, I'd say God approves of the sensible side....  Can I say that?  Maybe I don't QUITE know all the details involved...?  But I do believe God put  me into my position for a reason, and it was according to His will--except for human errors that I made....  [There may be a few issues to resolve, which involve the deeds of others--errors or not?]  The errors were used for a purpose...and sometimes there were problems that were misunderstood and promoted wrongfully....  We're working on things! 

God uses human people to accomplish His purposes...and I'm human, and others are human...!  We haven't been perfect....  And I'm sorry for problems I've caused, and I've made efforts to make amends for them.... 

When they're ready, I'm sure the sensible side will reveal themselves...and there seem to be two parts to them, also....  [There are what I've called the "quality police," and there's been the "Ontario lawyer" and his associates....  These two parties aren't exactly the same although, as far as I understand, they've worked together sometimes...?]  As for the homophobic stories and "fire stories," I believe we can get past them now...!?  Reasonable people aren't going to appreciate them and it's just a matter of time--maybe a short time?--before the majority of conservative Christians will be reasonable...??? 

Does God Care About the Police Project for LGBTQ+'s?

Have written in a post the other day about how I believe God sees the special police project and gay issues....  Would like to repeat some of my comments here separately, in order to make them more clear....

Have had thoughts in my mind for a while but didn't quite put them into words...and I was afraid of a backlash from conservative Christians....  I believe God values the sincere, gay issues in the police project.  It's not that He WANTS gays to get married...not unless it would save them from unhealthy relationships or encounters with numerous partners....  Some Christians, that I've seen, still see gays as freaks--sorry to say--and can't imagine them being married....  But if some gays have made a request for it, they must have the capacity....  [And I believe it.]

Have written earlier that if some gays would be celibate because of a fear of ridicule and harassment, it's not the best life for them....  God doesn't want people to live in fear....  If gays want to follow a conservative, Christian lifestyle and recover from homosexuality, it should be because they truly want to and not because they have no other choice!  [And nobody is forced to be a Christian.]  God appreciates the freedom of choice, and most long-time members of my church know that, I believe....  And God wants gays to have a choice!

Anyway, God also doesn't want gays or anyone to suffer from harassment or discrimination....  Everyone should be treated with equal fairness and respect, if they're law-abiding citizens [following reasonable laws].

Does this post help to explain something?

The Fire Stories, continued

For the record, the "African man" has reportedly been telling stories--on both sides of the issues--in order to make money for the special police project....  Maybe he had some interest in the issues, also...?  One would hope so....

Have done a little more research into the fire stories in film and TV....  Someone said some of the participants of the police project were telling fire stories in order to take advantage of homophobia and to gain benefits for themselves...like money, or whatever.... [Am not referring to the African man because as far as I understand, he was specifically given the job of making money....]  Some of the movie producers have been negative and skeptical of the police project, however, and I don't know if they're properly informed...?  In fighting actual forest fires or grass fires, there's a technique of lighting a "backfire" in order to put the original fire out....  And some of the stories in film/TV may be backfires, also...?  And if so, I have to say I appreciate them!  Right now, some of us are trying to clean up the police project and come to a reasonable conclusion.

The "Fire" Stories

Have written in the previous post about "fire stories" in film and TV, in connection with the special police project....  In my opinion, these stories amount to homophobic propaganda...they're representing people with these kinds of ideas...like, "The sky is falling," and "The world is going to end!"  My church believes that God has a plan for this earth and things won't always carry on as they are now...but I'm quite sure the world won't end because minority groups get their legitimate rights!

Another possible reason for the fire stories could be some hysteria or paranoia on the part of gays--bi-sexuals, especially?  They might have some conflicts within themselves, or have a fear of success...?

As I've also written, the Christians started working in the police project, and I know they prayed....  When people pray for good and helpful things, the Bible says it was God who impressed them to pray....  And if God has a purpose, there's not much that can prevent it....  The Bible says, "For the Lord of hosts has planned, and who will annul it?"  Isaiah 14:27, New Revised Standard Version.

[If we've been working for gay marriage with religious exemptions, it doesn't necessarily mean God WANTS gays to get married....  One thing is, He wants gays to have OPTIONS so they can make their best choice....  If gays would choose to be celibate because of a fear of ridicule or harassment from society, it wouldn't be what God wants.--Possibly some gays had that attitude in the past?--But the only way gays can make a free choice is if they HAVE a choice...!  God doesn't want anybody to face unreasonable discrimination and, also, marriage is a better option than running around with numerous partners....]

Will still write separately about the Christians....

Success, or Not...?

Have seen some further evidence of the "Ontario lawyer" and/or his associates working with me and my issues in film/TV; and it's been very positive and very successful....  I won't explain the details because there's one aspect of it that's controversial and if I say the wrong thing, I could get sued....  I wouldn't want that to happen...but I don't doubt that something positive is going on....

When the film and TV stories are following the special police project [discreetly] and things are going well for the LGBTQ+ issues, what I've seen is that they start telling stories of fires--like forest fires or house fires...and it's the negative side of the firefighter parties who are resisting....  And they want to "put the fire out!"  [Have written before that the firefighters have been helping the police.]

There's an "African man" who is one of the top advisors of the police project.  He has been with the firefighters and has reportedly been on both sides of the issues.--He was playing against himself....  It seems some of the other advisors have followed his example, at times...?

Somebody asked where my "power" came from in the police project...and I believe it originally came from the Christians [police] who started the special police project...?  Since then, the conservative Christians in society have fallen behind....  And I have reason to suspect that the "Irish man," who was supporting me, wants me to cave in to the negative Christians, at this time?

The Irish man wants me to quit my work...?  And sometimes the false, gay story is promoted because of prejudice...?  This man supported me from a young age and I appreciate his past efforts [and he supported the adjudicator until things were resolved recently]...but I'm sorry I can't go along with his mistaken views, if he's thinking the wrong things now...!?

Will write more separately about the "fire stories" and the Christians....

A Summary of the Landlord/Tenant Matter and Related Issues...

Will try to recap my sexual harassment case and the related matters....  I was renting a basement apartment with my young son, at the time, in a residential neighbourhood and my landlady lived upstairs.  After a short time, she said she found out her apartment was too small for my son and me, and wanted to evict us for "overcrowding..."  However, there was an extra room attached to my apartment which she had more or less agreed to rent to me, but then she changed her mind....  There was also an indirect, sexual solicitation from her which I turned down....  Also, there were different ways of measuring the floor space in the apartment itself and by a generous interpretation--which was allowed by the building department of the city--there were only a few square feet short of the legal requirements....  It was my claim, although I didn't explain it well at the hearing, that my landlady was discriminating against me for not being gay and for not accepting her sexual solicitation....  I believed there were violations under the then-Ontario Human Rights Code, which were prosecutable under the former Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal....

The adjudicator had flirted with me before our hearing began, partly because he was acquainted with me previously...and I mistakenly sent him a few personal letters later on, and I unfortunately tried to discuss my case with him--which I had meant only for personal reasons, at the time....  But he was very upset about my case by that time and was making complaints about me to his work associates and superiors behind my back....  I received a stern letter from an executive in a different city and was confused....  I sent a sexual letter as a joke...and it wasn't received well, of course....  There was a complaint to the police and I later tried to apologize for the joke letter...but there were further complaints to the police....  Then finally, we had a criminal trial...and my landlord/tenant case was used against me with mistaken information....  The adjudicator had erred in law at my landlord/tenant hearing, also, and the entire agency was confused about my case, at the time....  I didn't have good legal representation and was convicted for criminal harassment....

Later on, I learned some of the police had a special project going on to help with LGBT issues....  They had actually wanted my help and I did writing for them....  There was also involvement with the film and TV industries but it was kept very quiet, although some civilians had SOME IDEA of what was going on....  I've found that many local people know SOMETHING, but even the police don't have the entire story, it seems.--There are different groups of police who know different things....

It happened that I believed the adjudicator knew about the police project and I contacted him for business reasons, after I'd been convicted and released from criminal harassment...and I got charged again....  If he knew something, he wasn't admitting anything; and he was still confused about the original problems that happened between us....  So, I've been working on things, for a long time....  The police project got more intense in the meantime, also, and I believe it was for a good purpose....  I haven't had any kind of a contract or definite proof of what was going on--I was going in faith and with some indirect evidence--but I believe things will be revealed, at some point....  This is about all I can say for the time being....  People are welcome to read my blogs....

New Readers

For new readers who are interested in the former landlord/tenant matter, I suggest they go to the Blog Archive in the sidebar and scroll back to the first post in June 2009....  It tells about the landlord/tenant matter and is the beginning of my story....  I think that's the best place to start....  Then, there's also a Label in the sidebar for the landlord/tenant matter....  There are quite a few posts, by now, but people can scroll down and look at the headings that interest them....

My Writing in July--Part 2

Of course there are still a lot of issues to be sorted out...and I didn't mean to stir things up....

What I meant that I've done is I've resolved my side of the criminal matters between the former adjudicator and myself....  I've done a lot of work and I believe I did a good job.  Am happy with the olive branch I've extended and I don't think I could've done any better.  It's just a matter of waiting for a response now, either from the complainant or his associates....  My apologies are about 20 years late, however, that's the only problem!  But I believe some people are reading this blog and I'll hear something back, one way or another....  Also, I've resolved some things in my own mind....

Have mentioned I read a couple books written by psychologists....  I told of one in this blog; and the other book was "The Five Languages of Apology," by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, who are Christian psychologists....  These books have been a great help to me recently, and it wasn't too long before that I learned about them....  I also read a book called "Boundaries," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, who also happen to be Christian psychologists....  This book has been a help as well and I need to be more aware of my boundaries [am working on it]....

My Writing in July

Yesterday, my appointment at the mental health agency where I go was good otherwise but I think the worker asked me a trick question on behalf of his police friends...?  He wanted to know if anything was different about my writing in the past month of July...and I said no, except I was happy with the way things were going....  Later, the worker was acting different from usual and seemed to have something on his mind....

It happens that I did notice earlier that I wrote a lot of posts in July....  After reviewing my Archives, it seems I haven't been writing that much since the beginning few years of my blog....  [Anyway, I've deleted a lot of posts and don't remember how many?]

A little while ago, I wrote that I'll just do whatever is necessary...and I've done that....  I was also trying to finish up with the issues in my writing....  So, we'll see how much more will remain...but, myself, I'm not overly concerned about some fluctuations in the amount of my blog-writing....

Around the end of June, my air conditioner broke down and I threw it away--it was too old.  I haven't wanted to put money into a new one, at this point, and it'd be a strain....  The heat is bad, however, since I live in an apartment building....  What I've done is gone to a basement room sometimes, where it's much cooler, and I've had freedom to read and write there....  It's also been free of distractions, for the most part.  I've just had a bare table to work at....  Also, maybe I've tried harder so I could get paid....  [The majority of the police, that I know of, don't believe in the special police project and they don't think I'll get paid....  But we'll have to disagree....]

Well, I hope this post helps some of the police...?  The basic content of this blog hasn't changed, in my opinion....  I think I've been pretty consistent throughout, except I was able to see some errors more clearly towards the end....  I've been increasing my understanding of the issues as I've gone along...and I read a few books by psychologists recently, which helped.... 

Will They Forgive Me?

Do I need to specifically ask for forgiveness, at this point?  In their books, one psychologist said it's not necessary and another one said it is....  I'll go with it....

Again, I'm sorry for all the problems I caused for the adjudicator; and I'd like to know if he and his police and firefighter friends will forgive me?  I've learned a lot of lessons and won't repeat them again.  Can we move forward and put the past behind us?

If the adjudicator and others are still waiting for the false, gay story, I'll say that I don't wish to defend myself any more.  Have already written about it many times before....  There's no point in re-hashing the same details.  I'll just leave the matter in God's hands....

If nothing else happens, maybe the so-called "Number 11" party will come forward?  It might be the right time for them to do that--shortly?  Or will they turn against me for trying to be agreeable to the adjudicator?  Anyway, I've tried to do the right things--finally--to the best of my ability.  It's all I can do.

Financial Matters to Consider

Some police and their friends were asking me earlier why I didn't take better care of my appearance...if I was involved in the special police project?  [My look has been casual.]  And I'll give them the same answer that I gave before...that it costs money!  I've also suggested earlier that they need to give me an advance payment...it'd help.  As it is, I pay for natural, health care treatments--like chiropractic and massage therapy, on a regular basis.  I can't pay for everything, without some help!

Anyway, these police were probably believing the false, gay story about me...!?  But I don't expect to be in public much, myself, as far as the police project goes....

There was a certain police group, which I won't name here, which offered me an amount of money earlier as compensation for my suffering....  They were the ones who removed the first police report from the crown disclosure file in 1999...and other people and I suffered more because of it....  The deal didn't go through, at the time, but I wonder if these police would like to reconsider?  (They could adjust the amount as they see fit?)  It might be a good way to start unraveling my case and to give me an advance payment...?  It'd help me, whether I'm in public much or not?  Well, it's a suggestion....

My Final Position/A.--Part Two

The first time that I met the adjudicator, I believe it was a set-up for the special police project.  He was actually working for the firefighters, who were working for the police....  It turned out the firefighters had a mistaken idea about me, as I've said and have written about somewhere before....  Many of the police also were mistaken by believing the false, gay story about me....

When the police were looking for a female helper to help with the police project, they wanted someone who'd want to earn money....  I've come from humble beginnings and I've wanted to earn money [not that money is the only thing]....  There are issues that still need to be sorted out with my mental health...but it's true that I've had problems....  My employment has been affected in the past....

As a whole, the police and firefighters--men and women--have worked hard in their employment; and they deal with a lot of stress....  Also, their advisors in the police project have been high-functioning people, it seems....  (I don't know very much about the "Irish man," but he has supported the adjudicator, and he said so....)  Myself, I believe it's healthy for me to have respect for these people because of the circumstances; and it's a professional courtesy that I can extend, because I've worked with these people--even if from a distance....

The police and firefighters have had some competition among themselves in the police project, and that's fine....  If it's friendly and good-natured, that's one thing...?  Sometimes, there may've been hostility...?  And I've said I've felt hostile, at times, when I didn't understand the whole story...but I've improved the situation and my attitude....  I hope that in the end, all the police and firefighters and their advisors can have respect for each other, also...?  But no matter what, I'll make an effort to be respectful....

My Final Position/Adjudicator

Even though we started off better, the adjudicator and I have both had misunderstandings about each other over the years, with confusion and some hostility at times.  But I believe we've been getting those matters resolved....

Sometimes I felt that I was in a superior position to the adjudicator in the special police project.  It's possible that my position was more significant, IN SOME WAYS--considering the way that I was chosen....  However, I can appreciate now that the adjudicator has been in a higher station in life than I have....  He's been in a more respectable position and I want to honour that....

In 2013, I was explaining in my private writing that I sent flowers to the adjudicator in 1999 to show respect....  And I believe he understood something about what I said.  [We had indirect contact with each other, at the time.]

Right now, the final view that I want to have of the adjudicator is also one with respect.  This isn't a romantic thing. I don't know if he'd want that, and I don't want it.  But just ordinary respect.

There've been issues with the false, gay story but maybe if we get the genuine details worked out, the artificial ones will fall away [not that it was only the adjudicator's story]....  There are also other details about my life that haven't been resolved yet...but I believe it's the right thing for me to regard the adjudicator with respect...and I want to keep this view throughout the future.... 

Making Corrections...

A couple of posts below, I said it "doesn't matter so much now" that the adjudicator made an error in law at the landlord/tenant hearing long ago.  I don't expect to promote my case any more but since news of it had traveled by word of mouth, I don't know what corrections might still need to be made?  It's possible there could be some?  I don't know, at this point.  We'll only tell what's necessary, I'm sure....  If the whole story needs to be told, to correct the mistaken facts, then it'll be told....  But I don't want to make a big deal about it....

"A New Update," other blog

Yesterday, I wrote "A New Update" in my Waterlily Story III blog.  At the beginning, and throughout, this blog I'd claimed that the police were holding me in their special police project....  I now acknowledged that my own errors probably had more to do with it than I realized...?  And I said that anybody who speaks unfairly against gays in any "polite society" or makes other discriminating comments won't do well in life...until they apologize....  People will hold them accountable....

In my case, I didn't know how to speak accurately and sensibly at my landlord/tenant hearing...and I also told a story about why I blamed my landlady for the way I spoke of her....  It was fair enough for me to stop blaming her, and I did that....  (Today, I also cleaned up a little business with the adjudicator....  And previously, I cleaned up some issues with my personal letters....)

As I also said yesterday, I believe some police appreciated my writing efforts in the meantime--even though everything wasn't perfect....  There were many other people working in the police project, as I've said....

The Ladies in NW Ontario

When I was blaming my former landlady for how I'd called her a lesbian, I mentioned in this blog about a small group of church ladies in NW Ontario, where I used to live for a little while.  One of them had provided a character reference--and some false gossip which she heard--to my landlady earlier.  Another one had told me something after I moved back there, after being evicted, which made me suspicious....  But I didn't have definite proof and I still could've been more tactful when I was talking to my landlady at her house.  So I don't want to worry about these northern ladies....

The woman who was a pastor's wife, with a severe psychiatric disability, apparently passed away in SW Ontario in the spring of this year.  I just read about it in a church magazine recently.  This lady was a little older than I am.  May she rest in peace.

Continuing From Earlier...

Continued from a post, "To Recap the Landlord/Tenant Matter," May 17, 2019.

Have been thinking and writing lately about the "mistakes that I made in presenting my case" and I decided I'm willing that my case would've been dropped from the beginning.

In the meantime, stories have gone out by word of mouth and in the courts, and I believe it's okay for me to tell the facts--what happened with the Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal and what evidence I had, etc., if necessary....

As far as my landlady goes, she was put to some trouble with all the applications I had made but it was with the permission of the ORHT.  And then they wrote an order against me, and in the landlady's and the adjudicator's favour in July 1999, if I recall.  Unfortunately, I no longer have a copy of this order.

In 2000, if I also recall, I filed a claim in the Small Claims Court against my landlady.  I didn't attend but was represented by a paralegal.  At that time, I received a copy of a letter from the landlady's psychiatrist; and I was interested to receive it.  And then the matter was dropped.

In dealing with this landlady, I've handled things the best that I've known how.  I was at first very unfamiliar with gay issues.  Sometimes I was reacting to the adjudicator who it seemed was being harsh with me...but I've been learning to understand things better; and from now on I'll try to be more proactive and not reactive.

The Winnipeg Show and the Police Project

There seem to be so many details involved and it's hard for me to know which way to go when I don't hear very much back from the parties....  I've made an effort to extend an olive branch....  People may have to take it or leave it!?

What I Did, and Didn't, Say--part two

It's embarrassing for me to admit what I said at the hearing....  I was confused in the way that I said it.  Up until now, I've blamed my landlady for not being straightforward with me about her sexual orientation.  But I've been willing to admit now that I could've been more tactful with her....  Maybe things could've been different?

At any rate, I said what I did and it wasn't clear....  The adjudicator made some comments in support of sexual orientation and then he said, "Really, I'm sorry, Mrs. Coles, but there's no place for that here...."  Then he said "Ah--," and that's when I teased him; and things went on from there....

Was the adjudicator partly offended because he couldn't believe my case could've been based on sexual orientation?  Maybe...?  Or did he think I was just putting the landlady down...?  [He thought I was putting her down because he didn't know how the case could apply to something else, at the time....]

The bottom line, as I see it, is that I didn't explain my case well and the adjudicator became offended by me--and my landlady also showed him the transcripts of the angry phone messages where I first called my landlady a lesbian or gay....  Isn't it appropriate for me to apologize and say that I didn't present a good case?  It seems to me it is.  [I won't make any other amends because I already sent a donation to PFLAG Canada, for the landlady and the adjudicator....]

To my knowledge, the adjudicator has never forgiven me for the teasing....  Myself, I didn't want to say the teasing was wrong...because it wasn't really a big deal, in my mind....  But something had to give, somewhere....  And as I've said, I've been willing to say I could've cut off my case at the beginning....  [I could've told myself, "Better luck next time...!"--Whatever.]

For the record, the hearing took about two hours and the sexual harassment discussion was only about 10 minutes long....  During most of the time, I found the adjudicator to be fair and a very nice person....  In the police project, some people expected him to give in, at some point....  They wanted him to step away--and to be happy...

What I Did, and Didn't, Say

Have been writing recently and have mentioned several times earlier in this blog that I called my landlady a lesbian at the original, landlord/tenant hearing.  It was a mistake for me to say, or imply, that it was a cause of action in my legal matters.  Judging by his comments in my transcripts, the adjudicator thought I was just putting my landlady down or even making fun of her--retaliating for her claim against me...?  But it wasn't what I meant....

Had tried to say I was concerned about sexual harassment...and it sounded like a harsh complaint....  What I didn't know to explain was that the Ontario Human Rights Code also covered the term "discrimination" under "sexual harassment...."  I was concerned about discrimination on the basis of my sexual orientation, which was heterosexual and different from hers....  And this alleged discrimination could've been referred to as sexual harassment, in that instance.  In the regular courts, the standards were higher but under the Ontario Human Rights Code, they were more flexible....

As I've been saying, I'd previously had sexual harassment from a male landlord and I got some counselling.  But I didn't take legal action against him.  It was a big step for me to take action against a gay woman...but she had started the action against me....

It seems the adjudicator and his associates hadn't had any special training in judging sexual harassment in housing under the Ontario Human Rights Code, which was supposed to be covered by the then newly-formed Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal....  But I've said that I also erred in not stating my case properly and in not understanding the laws fully, at the time of my hearing.  And it was probably more my responsibility to know and explain the law, at the time....  [If I wanted to win my case, I needed to be on top of things....]

The Incorrect Comments...

Continuing from the posts below....  At the ORHT hearing, I was mostly able to say what I wanted to....  At the beginning, I didn't say what I really wanted and spoke thoughtlessly....  I called my landlady a lesbian.

However, I wasn't fully knowledgeable about the laws on sexual harassment and could only say what I knew....  As I've said, I'd previously had sexual harassment from a male landlord; and I got some counselling for it.  In the counselling, I learned to get in touch with my "gut feelings" and I had a gut feeling the landlady was harassing me out of my apartment....  But I've since learned that you can't prosecute anyone based on gut feelings....  You need to know the law....  [And I did have evidence available about my landlady, but I didn't know how to put it all together, at the time.]

Also, if there was any reason why I would've given my landlady a legitimate reason to evict me, that would've been relevant as well....  Did I give her too much push-back?  Did I make her feel uncomfortable for being gay?  We might not know the answers to these questions...?

The adjudicator had concluded I was uncomfortable with my landlady's sexual orientation but I don't know if he had a good reason to believe that, considering his error in law...?  Regardless, I'd like to be accountable for my part in the problems....  As I've also said, I'd like to disqualify myself at the beginning of my case....  I'm sorry that I didn't know how to do better and this matter has dragged on....  The story wasn't told directly in the news but it seems many people heard things by word of mouth; and I've had to explain things often for their benefit....  I've also learned to understand things better myself....

It Wasn't About the Teasing--part one

Have mentioned before that the former Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal/ORHT used to sell official, cassette recordings of all their hearings...and I purchased the tapes for my hearing.  Then I typed up some transcripts for the section that was our discussion on sexual harassment....  After reviewing these transcripts, I can recognize more fully that I said something wrong about my landlady's sexual orientation and about my case, at the beginning.  Also, it seems the adjudicator wasn't given any training in sexual harassment or human rights when he started his job.  The Ontario Human Rights Code used to be handled by the former Ontario Human Rights Commission but the laws were expanded to allow the ORHT to prosecute the Human Rights Code in housing cases.

Even though the adjudicator was partly offended and/or frightened by me because of his lack of training for my case, I believe I had a responsibility to state my case accurately....  And I shouldn't have allowed it to sound as if I was against my landlady just because of her sexual orientation.  It certainly wasn't what I meant but it kind of sounded that way.

Earlier in this blog, I've said my landlady was "gaslighting" me.  That's a type of abuse that happens.  And sometimes I said she set me up to say the wrong things....  It's possible she WAS gaslighting me...?  I can't remember all the details of our conversations but I remember a little....

Continued below.

It Wasn't About the Teasing--part two

Continued from above.

The thing was that I was trying to clear the air between her and me....  And it's also possible that I wasn't tactful enough with her?  I should've focused more on myself and my concerns rather than on trying to ask her or to get her to admit she was gay...!  I realize that now....  Before the hearing she never wanted to admit she was gay and even wanted to deny it....  (And she was under psychiatric care, which I have proof of.)

When I went to the hearing, I hadn't processed my thoughts well enough because I'd had hardly any experience in dealing with gay people...and hardly any experience in the courts....  So, I didn't really think about what I was saying and how it sounded.

To recap, the transcripts show that the adjudicator was debating against me partly because he wasn't trained in sexual harassment and partly because I spoke of my landlady's sexual orientation.  And it wasn't really about me teasing him or what happened afterward....  I spoke incorrectly of my landlady...and therefore, I want to disqualify myself from prosecuting my landlord/tenant case--which I'm saying retrospectively....  I had a "learning experience" and the experience just got a little bigger!

Again, as far as the teasing went, I don't even want it to be an issue....  And I'll update my Waterlily blogs, as needed and as I can....

Continued below.

It Wasn't About the Teasing--part three

Continued from above.

NOTE:  In the past, I've excused my error about my landlady because I went on in the hearing to explain exactly what I meant....  The adjudicator was ALMOST going to understand me...but then he made an error according to law.  This error was a decisive point for him and he rejected my case....

If the adjudicator had had the necessary training, he would've understood my case better--whether partially or entirely....  He'd have had more than my say-so about the situation...and wouldn't have been left to wonder about my incorrect comments....  As it was, the Vice Chair got the right information in about 2001, if I recall, but he didn't share with the rest of his agency; and it was 2004 before this adjudicator was clear on the facts....

If I hadn't made the mistaken comments and had instead stated my case accurately, the adjudicator would've felt less confused, I'm sure.  I'm sorry that I gave him cause for concern and I want to take responsibility for what I said.

A Learning Experience

Have said before that after my landlord/tenant matter was exposed many years ago, I found out some of my friends and acquaintances in my church were gay....  They'd kept it a secret earlier....  So, it was good to know the truth and let them be themselves--more or less--instead of living a lie....  Is it harsh to say that?  No, I believe they wanted to come out rather than staying closeted, judging by the reactions I got....

Also, if I'd folded my case at the beginning--on account of the adjudicator and his flirting--I might've still had some questions and some anxiety about what happened...?  It might've haunted me for some time, although I'd have tried to move on...?  But I learned about the laws, and what was acceptable and what wasn't....  [I'd had a problem just recently with a male landlord and sexual harassment...and I got some counselling at that time, but didn't know about the legal aspect of it....]

If the final authorities had told me I didn't have a case for sexual harassment, I'd have accepted it....  But the Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal was a new agency, at the time, and they allowed for human rights in housing cases....  None of us just knew how the laws applied, at the time.... 

A Light Moment Turned Serious

It seems there's just one more thing I can say about the former adjudicator and me.  It was an issue that I had sort of poked him at a certain point in the original, landlord/tenant hearing.  I've said I teased him...and it was related to the fact that he flirted with me before the hearing....  It's not that I was joking about my case....  We came to a point where it looked like my case wouldn't proceed any further and I almost would've accepted it...but after I "poked" him, the adjudicator [who didn't immediately realize it] gave a speech about gay people; and it helped some details of my case to unravel.  We went on to have a lively discussion about sexual harassment....

Some people have said it wasn't fair for me to use this information...but I disagree....  I wasn't joking about my case, as I said, and the adjudicator wasn't joking about what he said...!  It turned out to be serious evidence [which was a help later on, with transcripts, etc.].

At the time, the adjudicator was mostly a stranger to me...but it happened that he knew something about me previously.  Maybe his feelings were hurt?  I don't know.  And even his flirting was only, or mainly, pretend according to the schemes of the police project....  But even if it had been serious flirting, I was still there in that office for a reason--and he knew my case was going to be a complicated one before he flirted....

The thing is that I've said my landlord/tenant case turned out to be a learning experience for me.  And I don't think I should've been deprived of it because of some kind of loyalty, or supposed loyalty, to a man...?  I've tried to give in and be kind on other points...but I don't want to give in on this....  I don't know if the adjudicator would want me to?--He often seems to be resisting my business in the police project a lot?  But I don't want to give up this point.  Can I agree to disagree...?

When I went to the Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal offices, I had heavy problems on my mind....  My landlady had filed a claim against me and I filed a counter-claim; and I also filed a new claim against her....  I didn't go to the office for flirting.

New Note Added Today

Today I've added a new note to the 3-part post called, "There Was A Conflict-of-Interest," September 5, 2017 [Part 3], if anybody is interested.

Another Good Book

A book called, "Why won't you apologize?," by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., was promoted in a magazine a while ago....  Was wondering about buying it but I was afraid I'd have to wait a while for it to be ordered....  Then I thought of checking my local library...and I found it!  And I've now read it....

At the beginning, the author said the book is for those who need to apologize and also for those waiting for an apology; and she said most people have been on both sides of this coin at different times in their lives....  That made me feel better...!  She also said later on that some problems can be very complicated where both parties have made errors, and it's hard to know who should apologize first....  But it doesn't always matter....  Either side can apologize and it's a healthy thing to do--if done in the right way.... 

After reading this book, I intend to make some more concessions towards the complainant...even though I thought I was finished....  I just have to be careful to say what I really want to say; and I may or may not get through it today...? 

Law School

One thing I haven't quite figured out yet is why the complainant contacted his regional manager about me in November 1998, after I'd implied I was going to quit writing to him?  He said something about it in court one time, if I recall, but I didn't know exactly what he meant?  Was he bothered by the landlord/tenant matter, or just being spiteful, or acting for the special police project...?  In my last letter, I believe the most significant comment I made was that I had an interest in going to law school...and the complainant didn't let the manager see this letter....

Well, I was very interested in law school....  My experience in the Tribunal hearing, as well as some other factors, inspired me....  The legal matters in my life took over my time and attention but not before I inquired about law school and started studying a comprehensive book for the law school entrance exam....  I learned something about the way lawyers think, although I was better in some areas than others.  These skills helped me at times in dealing with the police project....  I also got to represent myself in court for one case, besides the Tribunal, and I think I did pretty well--with a lot of help from lawyers....

Much time has passed now and I'm just looking forward to this business being settled soon....

Women in History

Have been reading a book I mentioned earlier called, "A Nation in God's Hands:  Ellen White and the Civil War," by Jud Lake ["Learning From The Past," March 4, 2019].  According to this book, a black man named Frederick Douglass was a longtime abolitionist and he praised the work of the female abolitionists.  He said they had deep convictions and tender feelings; and they worked hard speaking and writing, and doing other work....  Some of them were former slaves but not all of them were.  A woman named Harriet Beecher Stowe was a Yankee and the daughter of a minister.  In 1852, she published a novel called "Uncle Tom's Cabin," about some slave families; and the book became a bestseller in the northern USA.  It wasn't just for entertainment but was to make people think....  The book is still being sold and read today, which shows how significant it was....

Have also mentioned before that gay rights have been compared to the blacks overcoming slavery and getting civil rights....  It's my understanding that the special police project began discreetly in 1932 and all or most police officers were male, at the time.  They specifically wanted a female civilian to hep them....  I believe the ideas and work of people like Frederick Douglass and  Harriet Stowe may have had an influence on them....  I've also heard that a few of the female abolitionists had joined my church many years ago.  And Ellen White was a strong abolitionist, although she never joined a society for it.

Right now, I believe most of the work of the police project has been completed....  There's some lingering prejudice in our society....  It mainly remains for the involved police to go public with their work.  [It's been said the majority of the police don't know about it--only a smaller portion do.]

I Haven't Been Perfect

Recently, my blog dashboard showed that someone was concerned about my "Bible" writing ["The Bible and Human Rights," May 30, 2016] and the fact that I needed to make amends for inappropriate behaviour....  I've been encouraging other people to follow the Bible and didn't always do it, myself!  It happens that I mostly went to Christian schools throughout my school years...but I'm an imperfect human being.  When there's a conflict, especially if it's complicated, it can be hard to see the right answers....  Everyone wants to justify themselves, at least sometimes, and I've been included in that....

Anyway, I believe the police wanted my help in the special police project and I've been able to help....  There were many other people working, besides myself....  If I was too perfect, I might not've been willing or able to help with the gay issues....  And I believe I've made progress in resolving the criminal and pre-criminal problems.  In the past, I didn't always know how to be effective, although I tried....  It seems I'm more on the right track now.--I'd like to think so, and I feel reasonably comfortable....

To Clarify

When I said in a post below that I didn't want to "stir the pot of the landlord/tenant matter any more," I meant that I didn't want to make any more complaints about it, if I can help it....  I didn't mean I wouldn't write any more at all....  Just to be clear. 

At some point after I attended the landlord/tenant hearing, I was aware I'd said some things incorrectly...and I knew I'd taken chances with the criminal matters afterwards, even though it was in an effort to help the situation....  But I felt bad....  When I saw an opportunity to advocate for gay issues and gay marriage, I thought it'd be a general way of making amends for my mistakes....  From what I saw, many people had been frightened by my actions....  And I'm glad I did the work of helping gay issues....  My recent action for PFLAG was a more specific amends...and I'd also taken a step for the criminal or pre-criminal issues, which I've written about lately....  It has all been very complicated...!  It seems I've covered my bases now...?  Nobody can change the past, but I feel comfortable that I've done what I can...?  I hope people will forgive me. 

To Recap the Landlord/Tenant Matter, one more time

It was confirmed by lawyers and politicians that I had legitimate grounds to make a case of sexual harassment against my former landlady....  There was enough apparent evidence for it.  But the case was never resolved completely in the legal process....

Have written elsewhere that "I made some mistakes in presenting my case and the Tribunal also erred...."  And it also happened that before my landlady and I went to our hearing, I became angry with her--I had already moved a lot, with my young son, and was distraught at the prospect of having to move again.  I said things that added to the confusion of the situation, rather than helping....

Just recently, I learned that it's possible to make amends in a dispute even when there's no longer any contact with the parties involved....  The problems weren't all my fault but I wanted to apologize in a concrete way for my part in them.  So, I made a donation to PFLAG Canada--an organization which supports the parents, families, and friends of lesbians and gays....  I felt good afterwards and it seemed easier to rise above the situation and not let it get me down....

If people would like more information, they're welcome to read this blog....  There's an appropriate Label in the sidebar, or people can go back to the beginning. 

Another Donation--Part 3

Have now mailed a cheque to the head office of PFLAG Canada, in Ottawa.  Their contact information was more convenient than that of the local office in my area....

In the future, I can be more sensitive and open-minded with homosexuals and bi-sexuals to make sure I'm not stepping on their toes without realizing it...?  I can ask them for feedback, if they wish to give it...?  [If not, okay.]  Also, when there's a legal matter, it's always better to be calm....  I had tried to discuss something about my case in the angry phone message....  But a wise person, Aristotle, said "The law is reason, free from passion."

Am not meaning to say the matter with my former landlady was all my fault....  It wasn't brought to a conclusion in the legal system and there's probably nothing we can do about it?  We might or might not ever have all the full answers...?  I've had somewhat of an antagonistic attitude, up until now, and some people seemed to be antagonistic or hostile to me?  But I feel positive now.  I wrote in this blog earlier that I was willing to pass off the landlord/tenant matter as a learning experience and that's true...I also found out that some people in my church were gay....  So, right now I can "be the better person" by apologizing and making amends for my part in the problems.  I'm sorry for getting angry with my landlady and for saying things inappropriately.  I hope the donation to PFLAG will help someone else a little bit....

Maybe the people watching will accept this, and maybe not?  But I feel good--much better than I used to!  I think the special police project has maybe caused things to drag on longer than they otherwise would've....  But I sort of feel a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment, rather than feeling despair or hopelessness, which I sometimes used to.  I feel that I'm on top of the matter rather than letting it get to me....  [And I can forgive myself also.]

******
Have started off trying to help the adjudicator feel better and I don't know if I did or not, but I've made myself feel better.  And I don't want to stir the pot of the landlord/tenant matter any more....

An Overview

Yesterday I added a note to a previous post, "It Hasn't All Been 'Delusional.'"  I had forgotten to say that my landlord/tenant matter wasn't delusional, even if there could be differences of opinions or perspectives....

My legal matters started with the landlord/tenant matter...and then the criminal problems came up....  At the beginning, I felt bad that I'd taken chances with the criminal matters--even though it was in an effort to HELP the situation....  (I took a chance and lost.)  Some people were frightened.  And that's why I'd gotten the idea to try to help with gay issues....  I read a comprehensive article in my local newspaper and then I lobbied for gay marriage....

The charitable donation that I want to make now is an extra thing--to apologize more specifically for problems I caused--and I think it's appropriate.  I feel good about it.

The previous donation that I made recently was also to help make amends specifically for ill-advised actions I'd taken....

A little while after the criminal problems--and my probation--were over, then the mental health legal problems came up.  It seemed some people stopped being afraid of the unresolved landlord/tenant matter at that time because they thought I was just a "crazy" person....  But there were other matters to resolve and we've been working on them....  (I hope, and expect, that one of these days, all the issues will be sorted out fairly....)

Another Donation--Part 2

For the record, when I make a donation to Pflag or another organization, I'll use only my own name....  I have no reason to be talking about other people or telling their names....

It happened that when I lived at her basement apartment, my landlady seemed to be a closeted homosexual....  She never wanted to call herself gay but she showed by her behaviour that she was....  For the purpose of my legal matters--like with the former Ontario Human Rights Commission--I had to explain the situation to them and they accepted my belief that she was gay....  In 1998, the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy was being promoted in the news.  I've done research on it since then and I learned that if a person didn't want to be recognized as gay, they couldn't show any gay behaviour....  You can't have it both ways, that is.  It'd be duplicitous and dishonest to do so, in my opinion....

When I lived in her town, it wasn't for more than six months and I didn't talk with others about my landlady's name, except in legal documents after she initiated proceedings....  In this blog, I've never revealed her name, I'm quite sure!?  But for the purpose of business in my Waterlily blogs, I want to accept it as fact that my landlady--anonymously--was gay.

[At the original hearing with my landlady at the former Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal, I incorrectly called my landlady gay--in the way that I said it--and incorrectly described sexual harassment, at the time....  But as I've explained in this blog, I learned to understand the laws better and to use the right language....  If I've left anything out, people can bring it to my attention...?  (I think I'm okay?)]

{If anyone still has a question, I have a typed transcript of part of our ORHT hearing where the adjudicator acknowledged that my landlady had a romantic and/or sexual intention towards me by asking me to go to her apartment in the late evening to do some work which I'd agreed to do....  (I agreed to do the work but I was concerned about her late evening request...and there was more to the story....  She made a point of saying her daughter would be away for the night at her father's place....  There was no reason that I needed to be alone with my landlady in her apartment, in the late evening or nighttime hours, as far as I was concerned....)}

Another Donation

When the adjudicator was offended about my landlord/tenant case in 1998, it was partly because of what my landlady had told him and "evidence" she provided at the hearing....  My landlady wasn't completely honest, in my opinion, but it's true that I unintentionally did some things to offend her....  First, I'd gotten angry about the eviction matter and left her a couple phone messages when she was away....  Unfortunately, I spoke in an angry manner....  Second and third, I made some controversial comments about gay people in the messages, which I felt applied to her, and I've discussed them elsewhere in this blog and don't wish to repeat them here....  I've made an effort to apologize for any inappropriateness on my behalf....

Again, I've "explained and apologized" but I'd like to go a step further now and make amends in a practical manner....  I'd like to do something constructive and pro-active....  By the way, my landlady and I haven't been in contact with each other for many years and I wouldn't try to reach her now....  But for her sake, and for the adjudicator's, I'd like to make a donation to an organization called Pflag Canada--which is for the parents, families, and friends of lesbians and gays....  I've done some research on the Internet but am waiting to hear if I can make a donation by cheque, rather than online...?  So, I'll make a note in this blog when the donation has been sent....  [If there's any problem, I'll find another gay organization to donate to...?]

As I've said before, I don't think everything was done fairly towards me but I made mistakes also and I'd like to apologize for my part in the problems.  I've learned a lot about gays over the years and I'm more knowledgeable now about how to get along with them....  I hope people can forgive me?

And Once More...

Even though they didn't seem to be upset for too long, I'd also like to apologize to the other two men who were affected by my personal letters and the joke, sexual letter....  Regarding the adjudicator, I failed to consider that people don't always say what they mean.--I wanted to think things were going along well, in spite of the conflict in business; and when he sent me a personal greeting in a business letter, I took it as something positive.  Before I had left the hearing in August, I saw that the adjudicator was concerned about my case...and I didn't understand that he was becoming more and more upset as I continued to write.  I also believed what I wanted to, that he was a single, heterosexual man....  I defied the authority of the above two men--a Vice Chair and a regional manager--and I'm sorry.

Next time, I'd consider that not everyone thinks the way I do....  There are many different people in the world....  And I'd find a peaceful way to get along or drop the matter....

Making Amends, Finally

Have written some details in the post below and now I'd like to make a general apology for people who've been reading this blog.  I've been writing about some personal letters I'd sent long ago, including a letter with sexual comments which were meant as a joke.  Would like to say I'm sorry to anyone who was offended, especially by the sexual letter.  In the past, I've tried to justify myself for different reasons but I can admit now that I wasn't thinking clearly.  [I acted a little "crazy."]  And I thought the man was single but he was married.  In an effort to make amends, I've made a cash donation at a mental health agency office at my local courthouse....  Maybe someone else can get some benefit through my mistake...?

At my age now, there won't likely be a "next time," but if I had a conflict in business I wouldn't try to start a new, personal or romantic relationship with any of the employees, not even if they flirted with me.  I hope people can forgive me.

In my opinion, not all the actions taken against me were fair...but I wanted to apologize for my part in the problems, and I did make mistakes.

A Good Book

Today, I'd just like to tell about a book which I recently purchased and read.  It's mainly for the benefit of members of my church who sometimes read this blog....  In an earlier post called "Learning From The Past," March 4, 2019, I mentioned that there are comparisons between the blacks overcoming slavery and gay rights; and a lady named Ellen White was one of the founders of my church and was a respected author....  Someone wrote a book about her comments about the Civil War in the USA....  The book which I've finished reading is called, "The Enduring Legacy of Ellen G. White and Social Justice," edited or compiled by Jonathan A. Thompson, D.Min., copyright 2017 and printed by Pacific Press.

The Social Justice book is a compilation of presentations that were made by professors and ministers  at a symposium at Oakwood University, in Alabama....  Oakwood is a school run by my church for black people.  In the book, there was also a reference to a book by Ellen White, Testimonies, volume 9.  There are a few chapters specifically about the black people in this book and I appreciated reading them also.  Some of her information is now out of date, since our society has changed a lot and the writing was done over 100 years ago...but I find some of it is still helpful and relevant....

Would like to recommend the above resources to members of my church.

A Fairy Tale or a Fable

Have written earlier in this blog that the special police project began long before 1998, and even before I knew about it....  Certain police and some of their associates had been told a false story that I was gay.  I don't really know why the story was so exciting for them but I believe the purpose was to get these people to work harder in the police project...they were gay, themselves....

Looking back now, I have to conclude that the false story was more like a fairy tale or a fable...!  Really.  I'm sorry for the disappointment for these people but there was no truth in the story at all.

Learning From The Past

There have been ministers and members in my church who supported me quietly in the police project, over the years.  It's just that there's been confusion over my "criminal" and mental health matters; and the project was supposed to be discreet, for the time being....

May have mentioned earlier that some black police officers and gay, black police officers in the project have made comparisons between gay rights and the freedom movement of blacks from slavery in the USA....  My church, Seventh-day Adventist, was formed shortly before and during the Civil War period in the USA.  A lot of people know the Civil War was the war over slavery--for it and against it.

According to historians and my own study, the founders of my church mainly took an anti-slavery position and they were vocal about it.  But after the war, one author wrote that things died down publicly because the church mistakenly believed that the matter was settled--slaves were free.  I believe I've read that some church leaders and members were still making various kinds of comments about slavery, and they didn't all agree with each other....  [And there were still many issues going on with discrimination.]

With gay rights and gay marriage, I believe my church can learn something from our experiences with blacks and slavery....  A professor named Jud Lake, at Southern Adventist University, has written a detailed book about our church and the Civil War.  ["A Nation in God's Hands:  Ellen White and the Civil War."--Ellen White was a special person and one of the founders of the church.]

Recently, a pastor from my local church wrote in his blog that a monthly magazine for pastors, "Ministry Magazine," which is an international publication of my church and is read also by pastors from other faiths, did an interview with the above book author.  I think it's great that ministers have been exposed to this information and I hope they'll share with all their churches about discrimination of all kinds....  Currently, there are campaigns going on for the police to be less racist in their work, for one thing....  [It may be hard if some blacks and others have been more guilty of criminal behaviour, due to their difficult backgrounds, in my opinion?]

Anyway, if and when the police project goes public, there may be some controversy and I believe the above book will be a help for my church in sorting out the issues....  And we can learn from mistakes in the past....  Also, I've done some of my own writing for the benefit of the church....