Monday, July 29, 2019

My Final Position/Adjudicator

Even though we started off better, the adjudicator and I have both had misunderstandings about each other over the years, with confusion and some hostility at times.  But I believe we've been getting those matters resolved....

Sometimes I felt that I was in a superior position to the adjudicator in the special police project.  It's possible that my position was more significant, IN SOME WAYS--considering the way that I was chosen....  However, I can appreciate now that the adjudicator has been in a higher station in life than I have....  He's been in a more respectable position and I want to honour that....

In 2013, I was explaining in my private writing that I sent flowers to the adjudicator in 1999 to show respect....  And I believe he understood something about what I said.  [We had indirect contact with each other, at the time.]

Right now, the final view that I want to have of the adjudicator is also one with respect.  This isn't a romantic thing. I don't know if he'd want that, and I don't want it.  But just ordinary respect.

There've been issues with the false, gay story but maybe if we get the genuine details worked out, the artificial ones will fall away [not that it was only the adjudicator's story]....  There are also other details about my life that haven't been resolved yet...but I believe it's the right thing for me to regard the adjudicator with respect...and I want to keep this view throughout the future.... 

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