Forgot to mention in my previous posts that my brother was born when I was 10 years old and I helped take care of him, a little. Then my cousin and her husband had their first child about three months later, and I was soon doing occasional babysitting for them on some Saturday nights. I got paid something for the babysitting and I was happy about it. My cousin had several more children in the next few years and I continued with the babysitting.
[Have also remembered that when I was a child, I responded to an ad for boys and girls from the "Cheerful Card Company;" and I ended up taking some orders from acquaintances for small items and stationery through the Regal company. I earned a little cash.]
Monday, March 30, 2020
My Other Youthful Interests
Continued from the previous post....
In the eighth grade, my three closest friends had been allowed to join the high school band and even to go on their annual tour during the March break. They came back full of excitement and stories about their adventures. In high school, I knew I didn't have a hope of joining the band but there was a choir, which also went on tours--and I wanted to go! If I recall, the choir didn't like to accept the younger students and they required an audition to get in....
During the tenth grade, I took voice lessons with a goal of auditioning for the choir the following year...and I made it! The first year, we went on tour to eastern Canada--all the way to Newfoundland--and also to some New England states in the USA. We performed every evening and travelled by bus during the day. It was great! In my second year, we travelled west to Vancouver...stopping at points in between...and we flew back. I enjoyed the singing, besides the travelling.... At home, we often performed for church services.
After my tenth grade was finished, I got a job working with a large group of students on the "Community Crusade Against Drugs," through my church. We sold magazines door-to-door on several health and addictions topics. The next summer, I got asked to join a small group of students for the same program in Winnipeg, and I went. It was a rewarding experience. The following summer, I joined some other students for this program in the province of Newfoundland. I also enjoyed it and was struck by how friendly the Newfoundland people were!
As a child and teen, my parents didn't have a TV in our home and they didn't want one. My sisters and I did a few chores but otherwise, we had to find something to do. [We had a cat--my cat.] When I wasn't playing with my friends, I read a lot of books besides playing the piano. I read both Christian and non-Christian books, and I enjoyed them all! They say reading is a good foundation for writing and I've had an opportunity to do a lot....
My high school life was very busy, as people can see.... I also volunteered for a children's program at my church; and I participated sometimes in intramural sports--floor hockey and basketball. [Have written elsewhere about my social life.]
Some of the police have heard about all or most of the above activities long ago...and they seemed to accept them...? And it was the African lawyer who stirred things up, whether he wanted me in the police project or not!? Now the project is mostly done...!
In the eighth grade, my three closest friends had been allowed to join the high school band and even to go on their annual tour during the March break. They came back full of excitement and stories about their adventures. In high school, I knew I didn't have a hope of joining the band but there was a choir, which also went on tours--and I wanted to go! If I recall, the choir didn't like to accept the younger students and they required an audition to get in....
During the tenth grade, I took voice lessons with a goal of auditioning for the choir the following year...and I made it! The first year, we went on tour to eastern Canada--all the way to Newfoundland--and also to some New England states in the USA. We performed every evening and travelled by bus during the day. It was great! In my second year, we travelled west to Vancouver...stopping at points in between...and we flew back. I enjoyed the singing, besides the travelling.... At home, we often performed for church services.
After my tenth grade was finished, I got a job working with a large group of students on the "Community Crusade Against Drugs," through my church. We sold magazines door-to-door on several health and addictions topics. The next summer, I got asked to join a small group of students for the same program in Winnipeg, and I went. It was a rewarding experience. The following summer, I joined some other students for this program in the province of Newfoundland. I also enjoyed it and was struck by how friendly the Newfoundland people were!
As a child and teen, my parents didn't have a TV in our home and they didn't want one. My sisters and I did a few chores but otherwise, we had to find something to do. [We had a cat--my cat.] When I wasn't playing with my friends, I read a lot of books besides playing the piano. I read both Christian and non-Christian books, and I enjoyed them all! They say reading is a good foundation for writing and I've had an opportunity to do a lot....
My high school life was very busy, as people can see.... I also volunteered for a children's program at my church; and I participated sometimes in intramural sports--floor hockey and basketball. [Have written elsewhere about my social life.]
Some of the police have heard about all or most of the above activities long ago...and they seemed to accept them...? And it was the African lawyer who stirred things up, whether he wanted me in the police project or not!? Now the project is mostly done...!
One Hobby/Skill for Enjoyment and Volunteering
As I've said before, the police had told a false story that I was gay from my childhood in order to spice up their campaign.... The former adjudicator has been competing with me in order to keep, or to gain, control of the police project.... And I've said I'd like to write about my hobbies and volunteer work, along with some work experiences, in order to show what my interests were.... Will write about one hobby/skill here which was used in volunteering also....
When I started the third grade, at the age of eight years, my dad sent me to piano lessons which continued for six years. My parents didn't supervise my piano practise but they bought me a few, Christian children's songbooks which I eventually learned and enjoying playing from. After a few years, some girls in my class and I took turns playing the piano to accompany singing in our "Sabbath School"/Sunday School.
When I was in the eighth grade, someone suggested to my dad that I should take the relevant piano exam for my piano work--which was then the Grade 8 in the Royal Conservatory [of Music] of Toronto. It was my first, official piano exam and I passed. When I started high school in the fall, someone informed me that I had to take a corresponding theory exam which went with the Grade 8 piano. If I didn't take the theory within a year, I'd lose my Grade 8 status.... I had to hustle a lot and one of my friends didn't like it but I was determined to succeed...and I did.
In high school, I occasionally accompanied singers on the piano; and for a year or two, I was the pianist for a children's Sabbath School/Sunday School class.
In college in England, I was a beginning organ student and I performed a few pieces on the pipe organ at our small, university church. Later, I played the piano and sometimes the organ for church services and even a wedding.--I did that off and on in different locations, over the years. Since the landlord/tenant matter, I haven't played in public although I've been asked a few times....
Throughout my life, from childhood, I've played the piano for my own enjoyment, also, whenever I've had access to a piano or keyboard.
Will write separately about some other hobbies and interests.
When I started the third grade, at the age of eight years, my dad sent me to piano lessons which continued for six years. My parents didn't supervise my piano practise but they bought me a few, Christian children's songbooks which I eventually learned and enjoying playing from. After a few years, some girls in my class and I took turns playing the piano to accompany singing in our "Sabbath School"/Sunday School.
When I was in the eighth grade, someone suggested to my dad that I should take the relevant piano exam for my piano work--which was then the Grade 8 in the Royal Conservatory [of Music] of Toronto. It was my first, official piano exam and I passed. When I started high school in the fall, someone informed me that I had to take a corresponding theory exam which went with the Grade 8 piano. If I didn't take the theory within a year, I'd lose my Grade 8 status.... I had to hustle a lot and one of my friends didn't like it but I was determined to succeed...and I did.
In high school, I occasionally accompanied singers on the piano; and for a year or two, I was the pianist for a children's Sabbath School/Sunday School class.
In college in England, I was a beginning organ student and I performed a few pieces on the pipe organ at our small, university church. Later, I played the piano and sometimes the organ for church services and even a wedding.--I did that off and on in different locations, over the years. Since the landlord/tenant matter, I haven't played in public although I've been asked a few times....
Throughout my life, from childhood, I've played the piano for my own enjoyment, also, whenever I've had access to a piano or keyboard.
Will write separately about some other hobbies and interests.
Friday, March 27, 2020
It's Essential for People to Know the Truth
There are many other people besides myself who're being affected by the special police project but just my case alone has caused a lot of conflict and confusion. It has been my position that I was under false criminal charges and I'm still under at least some partly false, mental health complaints...not to mention the problems with the previous landlord/tenant matter. If I can deal with my case, the other parts will start to unravel...and whatever is necessary to resolve my case, I think it's good.
The police seem to have an interrogation technique called "good cop, bad cop," where two officers each assume one of these roles. I've seen this method used in other places besides in a direct interrogation but in the police project, I think it can be said the police are interrogating me...!? That's the bottom line, in my view. The "3/4 police" who don't know about the police project are generally the "bad cops" [although they don't really bother me--and I respect them, for sure]; and the "1/4 police" are generally the "good cops." But even within the 1/4, there are "good cop, bad cop" parties, I know. [And that's okay.] And sometimes, it seems the roles happen spontaneously without a specific plan in place....
Right now, I'm using a public computer at a place of business where I pay as I go.... I can't take the time to look up the exact date but I wanted to say there are some photos of my camper van--which I mentioned last time--near the beginning [back] of my nature blog.... The police will see I did a lot of work, although it's true I got some help.... And some police have seen many of my garden photos on Facebook.... Also, I could say more about my work--summer jobs in high school which were quite exciting.--If I have time and an opportunity, will write about them separately another day.
Prospective employers sometimes like to hear about a candidate's hobbies and volunteering experiences.... I could write more about these topics, as well, which I believe would have a bearing on my competence and on the false, gay story.... (I've been involved in many Christian and church-related activities; and I didn't have time or an interest in thinking about women.)
Anyway, I hope this post will get us further along in, if not up to the conclusion of the police project.... Maybe the police will have something to think about!? And they and their associates can soon use their resources for something other than trailing me....
The police seem to have an interrogation technique called "good cop, bad cop," where two officers each assume one of these roles. I've seen this method used in other places besides in a direct interrogation but in the police project, I think it can be said the police are interrogating me...!? That's the bottom line, in my view. The "3/4 police" who don't know about the police project are generally the "bad cops" [although they don't really bother me--and I respect them, for sure]; and the "1/4 police" are generally the "good cops." But even within the 1/4, there are "good cop, bad cop" parties, I know. [And that's okay.] And sometimes, it seems the roles happen spontaneously without a specific plan in place....
Right now, I'm using a public computer at a place of business where I pay as I go.... I can't take the time to look up the exact date but I wanted to say there are some photos of my camper van--which I mentioned last time--near the beginning [back] of my nature blog.... The police will see I did a lot of work, although it's true I got some help.... And some police have seen many of my garden photos on Facebook.... Also, I could say more about my work--summer jobs in high school which were quite exciting.--If I have time and an opportunity, will write about them separately another day.
Prospective employers sometimes like to hear about a candidate's hobbies and volunteering experiences.... I could write more about these topics, as well, which I believe would have a bearing on my competence and on the false, gay story.... (I've been involved in many Christian and church-related activities; and I didn't have time or an interest in thinking about women.)
Anyway, I hope this post will get us further along in, if not up to the conclusion of the police project.... Maybe the police will have something to think about!? And they and their associates can soon use their resources for something other than trailing me....
Friday, March 20, 2020
Another happy story--Part 2
Continued from below.
In 2004 or 2005, I had told about my country life aspirations to the police I was dealing with at the time (and they ALMOST paid me)...but now a lot of time has passed.... It's probably too late for me because my health isn't great and I'm alone.... But ever since I was a young adult, I've had an interest in organic gardening as a hobby and I've practised it wherever I could.... It's been rewarding and enjoyable.
Have been at my present home for the past five summers and for four of them, I've had a plot in our community garden.... Am planning to continue this year.... Sometimes the vegetables take too much work but I've grown a lot of flowers and herbs, which are easier, and I've been developing a "butterfly garden!" Last year, I even bought a folding lawn chair so I could just enjoy sitting and appreciating the environment, for a while!
Well, my current garden has kept me busy during the growing seasons after my mother passed away! I used to help take care of her. I've had an active hobby, besides working on my writing!
[My son and his partner recently bought a country home, and they're very happy and excited about it! If I may say, I think I taught my son to appreciate nature although his father had an influence, also.... Life goes in cycles...and I'm happy for my son.]
******
The police would likely be happy if I could say I've had permanent, full-time work but, unfortunately, I haven't--apart from my writing hours, appointments, court and hearing appearances with correspondence and documents that went with them.... In high school and part of college, I had good jobs with full-time hours during the summers and part-time hours during the school years.... I've also done my photographic art work, which gave me a lot of joy and satisfaction...I've displayed many of my photos on the nature blog but the police haven't really accepted it, so far.... Otherwise, I've done a little of this and that but it wasn't permanent and full-time, as I said. Maybe the police will be interested in my "country life" story--to show that I've had an enthusiastic interest in something productive (and to show what my interest was)--and there are witnesses.
In 2004 or 2005, I had told about my country life aspirations to the police I was dealing with at the time (and they ALMOST paid me)...but now a lot of time has passed.... It's probably too late for me because my health isn't great and I'm alone.... But ever since I was a young adult, I've had an interest in organic gardening as a hobby and I've practised it wherever I could.... It's been rewarding and enjoyable.
Have been at my present home for the past five summers and for four of them, I've had a plot in our community garden.... Am planning to continue this year.... Sometimes the vegetables take too much work but I've grown a lot of flowers and herbs, which are easier, and I've been developing a "butterfly garden!" Last year, I even bought a folding lawn chair so I could just enjoy sitting and appreciating the environment, for a while!
Well, my current garden has kept me busy during the growing seasons after my mother passed away! I used to help take care of her. I've had an active hobby, besides working on my writing!
[My son and his partner recently bought a country home, and they're very happy and excited about it! If I may say, I think I taught my son to appreciate nature although his father had an influence, also.... Life goes in cycles...and I'm happy for my son.]
******
The police would likely be happy if I could say I've had permanent, full-time work but, unfortunately, I haven't--apart from my writing hours, appointments, court and hearing appearances with correspondence and documents that went with them.... In high school and part of college, I had good jobs with full-time hours during the summers and part-time hours during the school years.... I've also done my photographic art work, which gave me a lot of joy and satisfaction...I've displayed many of my photos on the nature blog but the police haven't really accepted it, so far.... Otherwise, I've done a little of this and that but it wasn't permanent and full-time, as I said. Maybe the police will be interested in my "country life" story--to show that I've had an enthusiastic interest in something productive (and to show what my interest was)--and there are witnesses.
Another "happy" story, more or less...
This post is continuing from a couple of posts on March 4.... It seems some of the police and their associates are just debating about resolving this case with me; and I'm trying to give them whatever information might be helpful...?
So, I had forgotten that when I was travelling in Europe--in the south of France, specifically--during my college years, I had the privilege of living and working on a large, organic farm for a week and soon after, some church friends began a "back-to-the-land" experience in Canada.... I'd become fascinated with country life at the farm...and I was later able to visit the friends at their new home.... These friends explained all about their life to me and I was eventually able to make an agreement to buy a small piece of their land....
It was quite an exciting project for me and I'd obtained an old van to convert into an occasional, temporary shelter--as a camper--before a small house could be built.... For some reason, I never got around to telling my husband-to-be about it.... We were in touch off and on, at different times; and after we married, I was sort of saving the property as a safety net for myself if things didn't work out with my husband.... Maybe I should've told him about it...?
Anyway, the property deal with my friends fell through on their end--a couple of times! It was quite disappointing for me...but it had given me hope sometimes....
Continued.
So, I had forgotten that when I was travelling in Europe--in the south of France, specifically--during my college years, I had the privilege of living and working on a large, organic farm for a week and soon after, some church friends began a "back-to-the-land" experience in Canada.... I'd become fascinated with country life at the farm...and I was later able to visit the friends at their new home.... These friends explained all about their life to me and I was eventually able to make an agreement to buy a small piece of their land....
It was quite an exciting project for me and I'd obtained an old van to convert into an occasional, temporary shelter--as a camper--before a small house could be built.... For some reason, I never got around to telling my husband-to-be about it.... We were in touch off and on, at different times; and after we married, I was sort of saving the property as a safety net for myself if things didn't work out with my husband.... Maybe I should've told him about it...?
Anyway, the property deal with my friends fell through on their end--a couple of times! It was quite disappointing for me...but it had given me hope sometimes....
Continued.
It's Not Frivolous
Was in town for an appointment yesterday and there weren't many people about.... The coronavirus situation is quite serious for everyone to be dealing with and it's not that I want to tell frivolous stories at this time...if some people might think my writing is frivolous...? However, there's been a lot of stress from the police project for a number of people and I believe we may be close to the end now? If there's something I can do to help resolve this business, I certainly want to! Besides, the Internet isn't affected by corona and people may have more free time....
Will continue separately.
Will continue separately.
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Notes About My Notes
When I've said I had anger towards my mother [about her separation/divorce from my dad], it wasn't something that was coming out all the time.... Most of the time, I lived further away from my mom and it was easier to get along with her from a distance.... There were also times that she was friendly and helpful to me, and I appreciated it. And I also helped her sometimes. We had a bit of a personality conflict, I'd say, and that made things more difficult.... The anger that I was referring to was something that was unresolved in the background....
When I was helping my mom after she got sick with cancer, I spent more time with her...and I happened to find a book called, "Mindfulness for Teen Anger." [The "mindfulness" referred to "mindfulness meditation"--have I said that before?] I read this book thoroughly and it really helped me. I was pretty much able to handle my feelings and then to resolve the anger completely.... My mom and I had a peaceful time for several years or more before she died. And I really felt better about it! It would've been a shame to continue having problems but it didn't work out that way.
When I was helping my mom after she got sick with cancer, I spent more time with her...and I happened to find a book called, "Mindfulness for Teen Anger." [The "mindfulness" referred to "mindfulness meditation"--have I said that before?] I read this book thoroughly and it really helped me. I was pretty much able to handle my feelings and then to resolve the anger completely.... My mom and I had a peaceful time for several years or more before she died. And I really felt better about it! It would've been a shame to continue having problems but it didn't work out that way.
Monday, March 9, 2020
P.S.--part two
Will explain about what I meant by still having some eating disorder issues when I was married....
First, I'd been socially isolated--by my choice--when I was ill.... That was something that happened with some eating disorder patients. I was very ashamed of gaining weight [after I gained weight].... It sounds silly, or even crazy, but that was a thing for me.... [I later had some OTHER issues in addition to my weight issues, which made me want to be isolated.... I couldn't control my thoughts and I felt that I sometimes embarrassed myself around other people.... The problem was the way I'd reacted--or not reacted sufficiently enough--to the restrictions the residential school had placed on me concerning my relationship with my husband-to-be.... (It's simple enough for observers to say: No courting was allowed for beginning students...but in practise it was more complicated, because of the living arrangements at the school.... Do I need to write more about this? Have written a lot already....) I also felt guilty after some of the bigger binges....] *** I had gotten eating disorder treatment in Toronto, and then moved there.... I was enjoying the people and the city, but lived in a small, northern town with my husband.... After I left my husband, I lived in northern Ontario for a while--not in the smallest towns--and then moved to the south.... And then my landlord case came up.... [If I don't get around enough now, it's only from a lack of money.... I don't mind being around people and am happy for it, except I have to be somewhat cautious because many people know my background and they can be nervous....]
Second, there were some relationships to restore with people who teased me about weight when I was young.... One of them was mad at me for a different reason, which she didn't discuss with me...but I found out later.... Have repaired this relationship since. [Another person was a teenage boy--underage--and he's not in my life now.... He's married.... No need to stir things up with him.... (Except he supports the police.... Whatever.)]
Third, my wardrobe needed some help...and it should've been done before I got married, according to wedding etiquette or whatever.... Economic issues were the thing.... [Eating disorder patients may have trouble with gaining and losing weight, and their clothes can be an issue....]
Fourth, I continued some therapy in the nearest big city when I was married but it cost money to go there...have continued some therapy or self-help when I've had an opportunity since then.... One was a Christian group with a workbook.... I got cut off due to factors beyond my control but learned something practical.... Then I read a great book by an American lady who had suffered, and who did a lot of research on eating disorders.... Great help! Issues about food and weight and how I thought of them.... (For example, "magical thinking" that thinness will save my life! I got teased a lot--mercilessly--and it affected me consciously and unconsciously....) Some girls wanted to have a little-girl, or almost a little-boy image of themselves.... Didn't want to grow up and have an adult image--therefore remaining very small and thin.... I was embarrassed of my anger problem towards my mom earlier...but I got over the anger and the problem.... Generally, I was happy to be a woman, and my husband-to-be had made me feel more feminine. I needed to have adult emotions and be mature.... I'd say I'm reasonably comfortable with myself now.... The police project is a challenge, as far as dealing with the pressure on me.... (The self-help books say to accept the challenge and find your purpose and fulfillment...!--I'm working on it.)
Last, but not least, some researchers say abuse is involved in most eating disorders...and I hadn't had any counselling on abuse before I got married.... Got some later.... In my opinion, it's good for everyone to know how to deal with abuse and bullying.... It happens to a lot of people, at different times.... (My husband had some abusive tendencies sometimes....)
Is this going to be enough explaining...? I suppose some of the gay police and their gay supporters might be looking for anything they suspect might be connected to gay issues...?
First, I'd been socially isolated--by my choice--when I was ill.... That was something that happened with some eating disorder patients. I was very ashamed of gaining weight [after I gained weight].... It sounds silly, or even crazy, but that was a thing for me.... [I later had some OTHER issues in addition to my weight issues, which made me want to be isolated.... I couldn't control my thoughts and I felt that I sometimes embarrassed myself around other people.... The problem was the way I'd reacted--or not reacted sufficiently enough--to the restrictions the residential school had placed on me concerning my relationship with my husband-to-be.... (It's simple enough for observers to say: No courting was allowed for beginning students...but in practise it was more complicated, because of the living arrangements at the school.... Do I need to write more about this? Have written a lot already....) I also felt guilty after some of the bigger binges....] *** I had gotten eating disorder treatment in Toronto, and then moved there.... I was enjoying the people and the city, but lived in a small, northern town with my husband.... After I left my husband, I lived in northern Ontario for a while--not in the smallest towns--and then moved to the south.... And then my landlord case came up.... [If I don't get around enough now, it's only from a lack of money.... I don't mind being around people and am happy for it, except I have to be somewhat cautious because many people know my background and they can be nervous....]
Second, there were some relationships to restore with people who teased me about weight when I was young.... One of them was mad at me for a different reason, which she didn't discuss with me...but I found out later.... Have repaired this relationship since. [Another person was a teenage boy--underage--and he's not in my life now.... He's married.... No need to stir things up with him.... (Except he supports the police.... Whatever.)]
Third, my wardrobe needed some help...and it should've been done before I got married, according to wedding etiquette or whatever.... Economic issues were the thing.... [Eating disorder patients may have trouble with gaining and losing weight, and their clothes can be an issue....]
Fourth, I continued some therapy in the nearest big city when I was married but it cost money to go there...have continued some therapy or self-help when I've had an opportunity since then.... One was a Christian group with a workbook.... I got cut off due to factors beyond my control but learned something practical.... Then I read a great book by an American lady who had suffered, and who did a lot of research on eating disorders.... Great help! Issues about food and weight and how I thought of them.... (For example, "magical thinking" that thinness will save my life! I got teased a lot--mercilessly--and it affected me consciously and unconsciously....) Some girls wanted to have a little-girl, or almost a little-boy image of themselves.... Didn't want to grow up and have an adult image--therefore remaining very small and thin.... I was embarrassed of my anger problem towards my mom earlier...but I got over the anger and the problem.... Generally, I was happy to be a woman, and my husband-to-be had made me feel more feminine. I needed to have adult emotions and be mature.... I'd say I'm reasonably comfortable with myself now.... The police project is a challenge, as far as dealing with the pressure on me.... (The self-help books say to accept the challenge and find your purpose and fulfillment...!--I'm working on it.)
Last, but not least, some researchers say abuse is involved in most eating disorders...and I hadn't had any counselling on abuse before I got married.... Got some later.... In my opinion, it's good for everyone to know how to deal with abuse and bullying.... It happens to a lot of people, at different times.... (My husband had some abusive tendencies sometimes....)
Is this going to be enough explaining...? I suppose some of the gay police and their gay supporters might be looking for anything they suspect might be connected to gay issues...?
P.S.
[These are some notes continuing from the two previous posts.]
As I've said, my husband was an untreated alcoholic; and I'd say that I was still dealing with some eating disorder issues when I was married even though I'd had some therapy. I also had some hang-ups from the school where my husband and I had met.... We both had some dysfunction and we did the best we knew.... We can't change the past and my then ex-husband passed away a number of years ago.
The man who was in charge of the residential school has been a supporter of the police project and of the former adjudicator, the last I heard.... About five years ago, I had some indirect contact with this supporter through the police and I discussed some of my previous problems from the school.... At least I was finally able to understand what the man had been trying to say at the beginning, when I met my husband-to-be.... I more or less understood.... It doesn't change the fact that there WERE problems earlier.... Everyone has their view of things.... And it's pretty much "water under the bridge" now.... I can appreciate that.
The residential school was connected to some somewhat similar but larger schools in the USA and they mostly had a good reputation, I believe.
As I've said, my husband was an untreated alcoholic; and I'd say that I was still dealing with some eating disorder issues when I was married even though I'd had some therapy. I also had some hang-ups from the school where my husband and I had met.... We both had some dysfunction and we did the best we knew.... We can't change the past and my then ex-husband passed away a number of years ago.
The man who was in charge of the residential school has been a supporter of the police project and of the former adjudicator, the last I heard.... About five years ago, I had some indirect contact with this supporter through the police and I discussed some of my previous problems from the school.... At least I was finally able to understand what the man had been trying to say at the beginning, when I met my husband-to-be.... I more or less understood.... It doesn't change the fact that there WERE problems earlier.... Everyone has their view of things.... And it's pretty much "water under the bridge" now.... I can appreciate that.
The residential school was connected to some somewhat similar but larger schools in the USA and they mostly had a good reputation, I believe.
Friday, March 6, 2020
Divorce Happens
Have written lots and lots about my late ex-husband in different places over the years but I'll try to write a little summary about how he made me happy and why I left him....
Spiritually, my husband inspired me before we got married because he had changed his life a lot and he had a good heart for helping people.... Emotionally and intellectually, my husband had a charming personality--when he was in a good mood--and he was very intelligent; and he gave me quite a lot of moral support, at different times.... Physically, he was tall and had broad shoulders, and he was handsome, in my opinion (he had kind of a bushy beard but he kept it clean and reasonably well-groomed, I'd say--not like some of the beards today!). My husband was a licensed auto mechanic and knew how to fix and build a lot of things; and he was working as a youth worker at a native Indian community centre for part of the time that we were married.
The school where I met my husband-to-be was like a small commune on a farm.... (It's another story to tell what kind of a place it was...!) I went there soon after leaving England and didn't get any therapy in between but I was doing fairly well at this school, at first.... I started getting stressed because the school management started interfering in my relationship, or friendship, with my husband-to-be.... It was hard for me to understand what was expected because my husband-to-be and I were just acting normal; and at the school, we were all just Christian people who were confined to a fairly small space.... It's not like my husband-to-be and I were going off by ourselves and making out in the woods, or anything...! Our behaviour was completely proper, in my opinion; and there were communication problems between the management and myself.... My husband-to-be and I could've left the school right away and done our own thing but I was afraid of his drinking problem coming back....
Continued below.
Spiritually, my husband inspired me before we got married because he had changed his life a lot and he had a good heart for helping people.... Emotionally and intellectually, my husband had a charming personality--when he was in a good mood--and he was very intelligent; and he gave me quite a lot of moral support, at different times.... Physically, he was tall and had broad shoulders, and he was handsome, in my opinion (he had kind of a bushy beard but he kept it clean and reasonably well-groomed, I'd say--not like some of the beards today!). My husband was a licensed auto mechanic and knew how to fix and build a lot of things; and he was working as a youth worker at a native Indian community centre for part of the time that we were married.
The school where I met my husband-to-be was like a small commune on a farm.... (It's another story to tell what kind of a place it was...!) I went there soon after leaving England and didn't get any therapy in between but I was doing fairly well at this school, at first.... I started getting stressed because the school management started interfering in my relationship, or friendship, with my husband-to-be.... It was hard for me to understand what was expected because my husband-to-be and I were just acting normal; and at the school, we were all just Christian people who were confined to a fairly small space.... It's not like my husband-to-be and I were going off by ourselves and making out in the woods, or anything...! Our behaviour was completely proper, in my opinion; and there were communication problems between the management and myself.... My husband-to-be and I could've left the school right away and done our own thing but I was afraid of his drinking problem coming back....
Continued below.
Divorce Happens--part two
Continued from above.
My husband seemed to have quite a severe type of alcoholism which I believe was inherited from his birth father, which I found out later.... [We were both in our twenties when we met, and he had a criminal record at that time--already--from a drinking-related problem....] He was adopted.... My husband was able to do well and be sober for long periods, just by using his willpower, apparently. And he was never willing to go for alcoholism treatment.... It's like he was self-medicating for his stress...? And that was the problem in our marriage, in my view. The drinking was causing more and more problems which I didn't want to deal with without more supports available; and my husband didn't want to talk to me about things that were bothering him....
Myself, I got a lot of therapy before I got married and it helped me.... I'd have liked to continue my therapy longer but my husband-to-be was rushing me to get married and he was living in a different province, at the time. I followed him and I was uprooted from all my supports that I had in the community.... There were some new supports but not enough....
So anyway, divorce happens! It happens to a lot of people! Some time after he died, I found out my husband had supported the police project for quite a long time; and I felt it was something positive between us...even though we were both heterosexual. Anybody can help with a humanitarian cause and people don't have to personally identify with the issues at hand.... I'm sure my ex-husband never imagined what kind of a case the police project would turn into...but I know he wanted to help the police (he gave me hints earlier) and I'll make an effort to see things in the best light possible...!
[If people would like to see some photos of my husband and me, they're welcome to go to the second Waterlily blog, under the Label "Husband and Son."]
My husband seemed to have quite a severe type of alcoholism which I believe was inherited from his birth father, which I found out later.... [We were both in our twenties when we met, and he had a criminal record at that time--already--from a drinking-related problem....] He was adopted.... My husband was able to do well and be sober for long periods, just by using his willpower, apparently. And he was never willing to go for alcoholism treatment.... It's like he was self-medicating for his stress...? And that was the problem in our marriage, in my view. The drinking was causing more and more problems which I didn't want to deal with without more supports available; and my husband didn't want to talk to me about things that were bothering him....
Myself, I got a lot of therapy before I got married and it helped me.... I'd have liked to continue my therapy longer but my husband-to-be was rushing me to get married and he was living in a different province, at the time. I followed him and I was uprooted from all my supports that I had in the community.... There were some new supports but not enough....
So anyway, divorce happens! It happens to a lot of people! Some time after he died, I found out my husband had supported the police project for quite a long time; and I felt it was something positive between us...even though we were both heterosexual. Anybody can help with a humanitarian cause and people don't have to personally identify with the issues at hand.... I'm sure my ex-husband never imagined what kind of a case the police project would turn into...but I know he wanted to help the police (he gave me hints earlier) and I'll make an effort to see things in the best light possible...!
[If people would like to see some photos of my husband and me, they're welcome to go to the second Waterlily blog, under the Label "Husband and Son."]
Wednesday, March 4, 2020
What happened to the happy little girl?
When I was four years old, I remember moving to our first house and it was a pretty big deal. Before that, we'd lived in apartments and I had a few memories.... At the house, everything seemed to be going fairly well to my child's mind [and probably in my parents' view].... Just before I turned seven years, my mom told me we'd be moving to another house so that I could live closer to the church school and attend there. It seemed like quite an undertaking! I felt my parents were doing a lot for me.
At the new house, my parents bought me a two-wheel bicycle and taught me to ride it. The school was a mile away and I was able to ride the bike there in good weather. My parents also bought me two, children's nature books, which I liked! It seemed my parents really wanted me to be happy at the church school!
When I started attending the school, I brought one of my nature books with me which my parents had bought; and this book got damaged.... This incident was involved in the trauma that I felt I received from my teacher....
Notwithstanding the mild trauma, I remained enthusiastic about the church school because it was the path my parents had set me on and I trusted them--and they'd taught me to believe in God.... At home, I wasn't as happy--as I've explained several times before--because we could've used family counselling....
My appreciation of the denominational schools pretty much stayed with me until I went to college in England.... Then I was having more trouble with my eating disorder...and I mostly enjoyed a lot of travel opportunities.... At the end of my second year in England, my health and studies crashed....
It was soon after that I went to the small, residential school in northern Ontario and I met my husband-to-be there.... Have written about this experience separately earlier.... We got married a number of years later. The marriage didn't work out even though we loved each other at the time. We had a child and I raised him mostly alone; and he's a a responsible adult now....
Continued below.
At the new house, my parents bought me a two-wheel bicycle and taught me to ride it. The school was a mile away and I was able to ride the bike there in good weather. My parents also bought me two, children's nature books, which I liked! It seemed my parents really wanted me to be happy at the church school!
When I started attending the school, I brought one of my nature books with me which my parents had bought; and this book got damaged.... This incident was involved in the trauma that I felt I received from my teacher....
Notwithstanding the mild trauma, I remained enthusiastic about the church school because it was the path my parents had set me on and I trusted them--and they'd taught me to believe in God.... At home, I wasn't as happy--as I've explained several times before--because we could've used family counselling....
My appreciation of the denominational schools pretty much stayed with me until I went to college in England.... Then I was having more trouble with my eating disorder...and I mostly enjoyed a lot of travel opportunities.... At the end of my second year in England, my health and studies crashed....
It was soon after that I went to the small, residential school in northern Ontario and I met my husband-to-be there.... Have written about this experience separately earlier.... We got married a number of years later. The marriage didn't work out even though we loved each other at the time. We had a child and I raised him mostly alone; and he's a a responsible adult now....
Continued below.
What happened?--part 2
Continued from above.
My son was a pleasant child although it wasn't easy to raise him.... After he left home, it was even more difficult for me to face an "empty nest." But I've been working on the police project....
These days, I get a lot of joy and fulfillment from contributing financially to various charities that I believe in.... They send me newsletters and mailings, and I like to hear from them.
When my family lived in our first home, I was happy playing with my friends and the Irishman saw that--living nearby. After my family moved away, I didn't stay happy in the same way.--I wish I could've. But I was happy in different ways.... And I had many kinds of experiences.
The Irishman and some of his associates wanted to know what became of my life...so this is a brief outline.... Have written more in the second blog earlier....
My son was a pleasant child although it wasn't easy to raise him.... After he left home, it was even more difficult for me to face an "empty nest." But I've been working on the police project....
These days, I get a lot of joy and fulfillment from contributing financially to various charities that I believe in.... They send me newsletters and mailings, and I like to hear from them.
When my family lived in our first home, I was happy playing with my friends and the Irishman saw that--living nearby. After my family moved away, I didn't stay happy in the same way.--I wish I could've. But I was happy in different ways.... And I had many kinds of experiences.
The Irishman and some of his associates wanted to know what became of my life...so this is a brief outline.... Have written more in the second blog earlier....
Being More Thorough
The police in the special police project have earlier told happy stories about my childhood and I appreciated them...so if some things still aren't clear, I'll give a more thorough explanation.... (Some police or their associates want to be thorough....) Otherwise, I do believe we're almost done....
Earlier, I mentioned "sibling rivalry" between my sister and me. I had started half-day Kindergarten at age five and my next sister was about three years old, at the time. When they showed us how to draw [with "stick figures," and whatever], I came home and showed my family what I'd learned.... My parents didn't buy us many craft supplies in those days but my sister found scrap pieces of paper from here and there; and she started drawing everywhere--copying me. One time, she actually pushed a page of her drawings in front of me.... I didn't say anything but I turned away and felt disgusted because it seemed that my sister was trying to show me up--she was trying to outdo me--that was how it seemed.
Later, in our adult lives, my sister was talking about those days and said, "I wanted you to like me."--And don't they say "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!?" But I think my sister must've felt lonely when I was at school? I wasn't going away to get away from her...! Also, my best friend had a sister who was the same age as my sister, and we all used to play together.... When we started school, my friend and I seemed to unconsciously leave our sisters behind.... We learned how to use the telephone and we phoned each other to arrange our play times.... And we played with our friend Billy, who was our age; and there was another girl our age who we sometimes played with....
My sister must've felt more and more left out and I didn't realize it! She only irritated me by copying me and it continued at different times.... When my sister started the first grade, she seemed to like her teacher a lot. By that time, I'd had the unpleasant experience with my first, church school teacher; and I was consciously or unconsciously resentful of my sister....
[Have I mentioned before that this sister and I made friends with each other just after our parents separated for the first time...?]
Will write some more separately.
Earlier, I mentioned "sibling rivalry" between my sister and me. I had started half-day Kindergarten at age five and my next sister was about three years old, at the time. When they showed us how to draw [with "stick figures," and whatever], I came home and showed my family what I'd learned.... My parents didn't buy us many craft supplies in those days but my sister found scrap pieces of paper from here and there; and she started drawing everywhere--copying me. One time, she actually pushed a page of her drawings in front of me.... I didn't say anything but I turned away and felt disgusted because it seemed that my sister was trying to show me up--she was trying to outdo me--that was how it seemed.
Later, in our adult lives, my sister was talking about those days and said, "I wanted you to like me."--And don't they say "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!?" But I think my sister must've felt lonely when I was at school? I wasn't going away to get away from her...! Also, my best friend had a sister who was the same age as my sister, and we all used to play together.... When we started school, my friend and I seemed to unconsciously leave our sisters behind.... We learned how to use the telephone and we phoned each other to arrange our play times.... And we played with our friend Billy, who was our age; and there was another girl our age who we sometimes played with....
My sister must've felt more and more left out and I didn't realize it! She only irritated me by copying me and it continued at different times.... When my sister started the first grade, she seemed to like her teacher a lot. By that time, I'd had the unpleasant experience with my first, church school teacher; and I was consciously or unconsciously resentful of my sister....
[Have I mentioned before that this sister and I made friends with each other just after our parents separated for the first time...?]
Will write some more separately.
Monday, March 2, 2020
Our Main Work is Done, IMO
So far, I haven't seen any definite evidence that the French lawyer and his associates were the ones who wanted me to write in the hospital so I'm not going to speculate about it.... As for the city police, of the "quality police," and their spokesman, I wonder if they thought they were still going to go forward with LGBTQ issues??? [Have seen evidence that the Polish lawyer and his associates thought they were going to go forward--and they were "waiting" for me.... Have written about these people before....] It's quite a revelation to me, if so.... I had thought they were with me earlier but it now looks like they dropped off in about 2004, when some issues came up...? It's no wonder they weren't able to come forward to take over from the former adjudicator! Anyway, I don't want to say anything that I'll need to correct again.... I just feel surprised--and somewhat relieved.
At my home, I don't have access to TV news but my son told me something about the Christian cake baker in the USA.... Even though this baker had won his case against a gay couple in the Supreme Court, it turned out that he was losing business at his bakery...! The public in the USA seems to get it that they can't discriminate against gay people...! And that's significant, in my opinion. In Canada, we had gay rights before the USA but even the U.S. is catching up...!
Where our special police project is concerned, I believe there isn't too much more to do with gay rights--except that people could continue examining or haggling over minute details.... The main work is done, as far as I can see.... And all we need is for the police project to be exposed...people would like to hear about it...and I've been under false, mental health charges and there's been confusion about my previous landlord/tenant matter.... The truth needs to come out!
Will be watching to see what reactions I'm getting from the main parties--the REAL parties.... If I had a computer at home, it'd be easier for me to write every day but it's not possible now.... I appreciate the libraries....
[In Canada, I believe the conservative Christians got the message last fall when I was writing in this blog that they can't hold back gay rights much longer--they were trying.... The African lawyer probably gave advice--in that case I'm pretty sure--and the Irishman has been said to be talking to him.... The Irishman is one of the head people right now, in the police project...? The only other question is if they want to know more about my life and childhood...? (Whatever.--I can write a little more, if they need it...!?)]
At my home, I don't have access to TV news but my son told me something about the Christian cake baker in the USA.... Even though this baker had won his case against a gay couple in the Supreme Court, it turned out that he was losing business at his bakery...! The public in the USA seems to get it that they can't discriminate against gay people...! And that's significant, in my opinion. In Canada, we had gay rights before the USA but even the U.S. is catching up...!
Where our special police project is concerned, I believe there isn't too much more to do with gay rights--except that people could continue examining or haggling over minute details.... The main work is done, as far as I can see.... And all we need is for the police project to be exposed...people would like to hear about it...and I've been under false, mental health charges and there's been confusion about my previous landlord/tenant matter.... The truth needs to come out!
Will be watching to see what reactions I'm getting from the main parties--the REAL parties.... If I had a computer at home, it'd be easier for me to write every day but it's not possible now.... I appreciate the libraries....
[In Canada, I believe the conservative Christians got the message last fall when I was writing in this blog that they can't hold back gay rights much longer--they were trying.... The African lawyer probably gave advice--in that case I'm pretty sure--and the Irishman has been said to be talking to him.... The Irishman is one of the head people right now, in the police project...? The only other question is if they want to know more about my life and childhood...? (Whatever.--I can write a little more, if they need it...!?)]
Correction(s)
Last Friday, I was harassed by an obnoxious man who was associated with the police.... He wasn't a police officer but was one of their informants, or whatever...? This man has harassed me once or twice before....
Don't know if there's a connection with the above but last week in this blog I probably erred when I wrote that the African lawyer had wanted me to do more writing earlier? Maybe the opposite was actually true? Some people have wanted the former adjudicator out of the police project, and I've heard the African lawyer also wanted me out? (And if that was his opinion at the time, he was entitled to it....)
When I've written about the "quality police" in the past, I've usually thought of them as both some city police and as some Mounties.... I also thought of a certain, civilian man who was a spokesman for the city police.... However, it's possible these city police and their spokesman were the ones who were only involved with my writing from about 2002-2004, or so? They weren't involved after I went to the hospital? [Not for the LGBTQ issues?--They had some other business concerns, which we dealt with?] I believe there've been some Mounties and/or American police who were involved? And these were the ones who wanted me to keep on writing after the adjudicator's associates decided not to pay me yet...? This special project has been so discreet that not all the parties have known what the others were doing...! The French lawyer and his associates fit in somewhere but I haven't completely figured them out, so far.
Anyway, if the African lawyer is supposed to give advice, I'm sure he'll comment as things are revealed to him.... He can't comment on things he doesn't know.... And I'll try not to confuse my facts about him.
Maybe the police who wanted me to write while I was in the hospital would like to come forward, one of these days? I think we're probably ready for it?
Don't know if there's a connection with the above but last week in this blog I probably erred when I wrote that the African lawyer had wanted me to do more writing earlier? Maybe the opposite was actually true? Some people have wanted the former adjudicator out of the police project, and I've heard the African lawyer also wanted me out? (And if that was his opinion at the time, he was entitled to it....)
When I've written about the "quality police" in the past, I've usually thought of them as both some city police and as some Mounties.... I also thought of a certain, civilian man who was a spokesman for the city police.... However, it's possible these city police and their spokesman were the ones who were only involved with my writing from about 2002-2004, or so? They weren't involved after I went to the hospital? [Not for the LGBTQ issues?--They had some other business concerns, which we dealt with?] I believe there've been some Mounties and/or American police who were involved? And these were the ones who wanted me to keep on writing after the adjudicator's associates decided not to pay me yet...? This special project has been so discreet that not all the parties have known what the others were doing...! The French lawyer and his associates fit in somewhere but I haven't completely figured them out, so far.
Anyway, if the African lawyer is supposed to give advice, I'm sure he'll comment as things are revealed to him.... He can't comment on things he doesn't know.... And I'll try not to confuse my facts about him.
Maybe the police who wanted me to write while I was in the hospital would like to come forward, one of these days? I think we're probably ready for it?
My Blog Description
Last week I changed the blog description at the top of the Home page and I believe it's more accurate now. When I started this blog at the beginning, it was a little hard to say what I wanted or needed to.... The blog provider doesn't allow much space, either, so I've had to be quite concise.... I believe the new description is better and the conditions are more ready for me to say what's going on....
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