Some Intervention Needed...

The police don't seem to have been too concerned about the general LGBTQ+ issues...they've been playing around with the false gay story about me....  Some other police have been more serious in the past, it seems, but they've moved on or retired by now....  

Many groups of police and their community advisors and supporters have been involved in the police project, in different ways....  Unfortunately, they don't all seem to understand each other....  

Someone said that the highest government leaders might have to intervene and take over in the police project...?  And I'm about ready to request and accept their help....

I've Been Working to Resolve This Business!

 Recently, someone at my church gave a talk on the state of being single.  He happened to mention three famous people who were single all their lives.  They were Sir Isaac Newton, Florence Nightingale, and the Apostle Paul.

In my case, I've been accused of being gay--which I've denied--and it's been harder to disprove since I've been single for many, many years due to my legal matters and false mental health charges....  I never expected the special police project to take this long but I've WANTED things to be settled and resolved in a satisfactory manner....  

From doing some research on the Internet, it seems Newton had some mental health challenges--and his father had died before he was born--but he was a great scientist....  Miss Nightingale grew up in an affluent home in England and had a chance to marry....  She wasn't completely disinterested in her suitor but she felt she'd be more fulfilled by doing her nursing work....  She'd spent time as a young person doing philanthropic work with the poor and sick people near her home....  She suffered great challenges doing nursing work during a war in her time...but she was successful and prepared the way for modern nursing....  The Apostle Paul is considered to be one of the greatest theologians, next to Jesus Christ....  

In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with being single and committed to a cause...!  I certainly have good company to be in, although I'm not as great as the above people were....  The police have pushed me and encouraged me along the way, also....  [And some have tried to stop me, at times, but we've gotten along....]  This cause isn't personal to me, except that my only child and his late father were and are being affected....  And I care about the public to get the right information....  A lot has been done but we're just trying to smooth out the last remaining wrinkles, it seems....  And I don't believe I have to apologize to anybody for being single and doing my work.

Seeing Things Differently Now...

Don't want to name them in public but there's a group of police known as the "Number 11" party....  They've been a sensible group and wanted one of the main, civilian police associates to go out of the special police project because they felt he was too frivolous and too immoral....  [They've been afraid this civilian would be made the main spokesman, when the case goes public, and the idea has been suggested sometimes....]

However, I've remembered some details and have been prompted about some others...and I'd like to make some comments to the Number 11 people....

The 11's have been supervised and managed by a French-Canadian lawyer, whom I've referred to before, as far as I understand....  For a while, I had my hopes in the French lawyer...but I've realized that he's not the ultimate authority in the police project either...!  The ones who ARE the highest authority [not the police force which hired the civilian] have used the above civilian associate for their purposes and they can out-rank him at any time, if they wish to--but I don't believe anybody else can!?

The 11-party have kept their work secret, up until now, and I don't believe they can come forward with the expectation of taking over the police project...but they could help to bring about a resolution....  They might have to take their chances with the civilian but the alternative might be that this case will never be solved...?  My own opinion is that the activities of the 11's have been superior to those of the civilian, as far as that goes....  [All the 11's need to do is to make their case to the highest superiors...but they can't do it without coming forward somewhat....  They can't do much if they're in secret....]

This is just a little something for the 11-people to consider....  If they want more information from me, they could contact me directly....  I've tried to humour them in the past but I have to see things differently now, myself.

No Halloween Resolution For This Year

 Another Halloween has passed and the police didn't settle this business yet.  I didn't make a fuss about it because it seems to me the so-called "Irishman," who has had some authority, wasn't even aware of a Halloween deadline...?  He's not the highest authority but he's been given some power, for now....

According to a little evidence, it also seems to me that some of the "sensible police" have gotten in line behind the "frivolous police" and they're hoping the false gay story about me is true....  I've already gone over all the questions with a fine-toothed comb, in my opinion, but probably not all the police are connected to my private communications and they don't all read this blog....

It's disappointing to me if some, or all?, of the sensible police are believing the false gay story but I'll have to see what I'm going to do about it...?

Will write about some other points separately.

What Are The Intentions?

 Yesterday I said some sensible police used some "frivolous police" to help them in working to reduce discrimination and harassment against gays....  There were at least a couple of civilian men helping the frivolous police and they put in time for many years....  More recently, I thought the sensible police were done and they were just giving the frivolous party a chance to clear up their own concerns [and we should be more or less done with those?]...?  But right now, I'm not sure what's going on?

Are there some sensible police who are waiting to come forward or take over from the frivolous party?

People who are gay see things through their own lenses; and they've had a tendency to tell false, exaggerated or distorted stories about me sometimes....  I wonder how long this'll continue?

My health and financial resources are under strain by now and I wouldn't want the police project to carry on for a much longer time with frivolous concerns and purposes...?

Have completed my writing and summarized the issues today...

 So, today I was able to have enough access to the library computers and to complete the writing that I wanted to do--to tell what's been going on over the summer and the lockdown time....  It just took me a little while to get caught up, after the lockdown--and we're still in kind of a "new normal" stage....  

Concerns Over the Summer/2020

 Have I mentioned before that Mounties in different parts of Canada were involved in the special police project...?  Some from Vancouver had reportedly started investigating when I was a teenager....  It seems they mostly followed my dating activities, and I answered some questions during the summer of this year....

As a teen, I had some positive and some negative experiences in dating....  You live and learn!--That was how I found it.  But any issues had nothing to do with homosexuality...and the police weren't able to prove otherwise...!  Actually, I had a long-distance boyfriend in my senior year of high school which indirectly led to the Michael Jackson-glove story, which I've written about before....

Some other police wanted me to pull things together in the police project and try to bring the matter to a conclusion--to handle the business successfully and work towards a public news story...!  Have made my efforts and I believe the police also have to work with me....  I can't do everything alone!  And some police have also advised me not to write too much more in my blogs, so I hope I won't have to do that!?

Are we at the end of the secret project now...?  Can we go public soon?  The police and their civilian associates have been scattered here and there, with different levels of knowledge about the police project....  [And some of us have been informed, somewhat, of getting paid for our efforts...and we've been waiting.}

Will the Churches Change?

 The subject matter in this post is continuing from the post below.

It's true that some churches and others are discarding or distorting more and more parts of the Bible....  There's a trend away from it--it's a book of fables, some say!  And when I was young, it was popular to think about "situation ethics"...people didn't believe in absolute truth.

In my case, I've studied theology courses for several years in a university of my church.  I didn't complete the program but I believe I've studied enough to know that my church isn't going to change very much....  We believe in the whole Bible, if studied in context...and we'll never discard it, by the grace of God!  That's my belief and people are welcome to speak to others in my church....

Sometimes we need to adjust our views a little--if they're not in harmony with the true intentions of the Bible--and there are points to be studied....  I've written a pamphlet which I've told about here earlier and I've recently given out some more copies to church officials....  [These people were mainly interested in other parts of the police project, however, and weren't necessarily thinking about the gay issues, themselves....]  It's not my intention to debate these points in this post....

Would just like to share a few Bible verses which I find significant:

"The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever."  Isaiah 40:8  [The Bible is said to be the "word of God."]

"For I am the Lord, I change not...."   Malachi 3:6  Both verses from the King James Version Bible.

To be clear, there have been sensible police doing serious work to reduce discrimination and harassment against the LGBTQs...and a lot has been accomplished already.  And some other police and their friends were allowed to be more frivolous because they were also, knowingly or unknowingly, helping the serious police--directly or indirectly!  (Sounds complicated?  Yes.)

Catching Up--Part 1

 It's been quite a while since I wrote in this blog...and I want to summarize what's been going on....  First of all, I had some complications with my Internet use...and second, I found a place where I was able to communicate fairly freely with police, privately....  Will try to recap my issues, although not entirely in one post or even in one day....?

Also, I need to find the right balance because if I don't say enough, people may say I'm hiding things; and if I say too much, they may say I'm exploiting others and offending them....  I want to be honest and write only what's necessary....

Another point that was brought up was that I have anxiety and I don't disagree....  Some times are better than other times, and I've more or less sought treatment....  There are different types of treatments and medications available...and I'm going to continue working on this matter....

A weakness on the side of the police, if I may say, is that they're not usually very knowledgeable about dealing with emotional and psychological or mental health issues in accused persons....  It may be even worse with youths....  One consolation is that some retired police officers have a project where they give out free teddy bears to distressed children who are involved, indirectly, in incidents....

Continued below.

Catching Up--Part 2

 Continued from post above.

Have seen evidence that the gay police and their associates who started the special police project for gay people in the 1930's were seen as sensible and credible by other police....  But it's been said that some young people with genius IQ's helped t hem; and they had some elaborate plans....  They really wanted to succeed in their mission to help the gays--and that was quite a job in the 1930's...!

Some less-informed, gay police were recruited to help with the plans...and it was actually a woman outside of the police project who started saying that the chosen, female helper of the police was gay....  The less-informed police were allowed to be somewhat silly and frivolous, as I've written before....  Over the decades, the police and their civilian male helpers developed some self-serving plans for the female helper--who ended up being me....

To make a long story short, there's a little book called Jude in both the Catholic and Protestant Bibles, where some aggressive gay people wanted to make problems for conservative churches....  In this case, they wanted to be nice and they thought they could use me to influence the churches....  I believe this is the reason why some of the parties in the police project have been so particular about whether I was gay or not...!?

Will continue separately.

My Very First Job

Forgot to mention in my previous posts that my brother was born when I was 10 years old and I helped take care of him, a little.  Then my cousin and her husband had their first child about three months later, and I was soon doing occasional babysitting for them on some Saturday nights.  I got paid something for the babysitting and I was happy about it.  My cousin had several more children in the next few years and I continued with the babysitting.

[Have also remembered that when I was a child, I responded to an ad for boys and girls from the "Cheerful Card Company;" and I ended up taking some orders from acquaintances for small items and stationery through the Regal company.  I earned a little cash.]

My Other Youthful Interests

Continued from the previous post....

In the eighth grade, my three closest friends had been allowed to join the high school band and even to go on their annual tour during the March break.  They came back full of excitement and stories about their adventures.  In high school, I knew I didn't have a hope of joining the band but there was a choir, which also went on tours--and I wanted to go!  If I recall, the choir didn't like to accept the younger students and they required an audition to get in....

During the tenth grade, I took voice lessons with a goal of auditioning for the choir the following year...and I made it!  The first year, we went on tour to eastern Canada--all the way to Newfoundland--and also to some New England states in the USA.  We performed every evening and travelled by bus during the day.  It was great!  In my second year, we travelled west to Vancouver...stopping at points in between...and we flew back.  I enjoyed the singing, besides the travelling....  At home, we often performed for church services.

After my tenth grade was finished, I got a job working with a large group of students on the "Community Crusade Against Drugs," through my church.  We sold magazines door-to-door on several health and addictions topics.  The next summer, I got asked to join a small group of students for the same program in Winnipeg, and I went. It was a rewarding experience.  The following summer, I joined some other students for this program in the province of Newfoundland. I also enjoyed it and was struck by how friendly the Newfoundland people were!

As a child and teen, my parents didn't have a TV in our home and they didn't want one.  My sisters and I did a few chores but otherwise, we had to find something to do.  [We had a cat--my cat.]  When I wasn't playing with my friends, I read a lot of books besides playing the piano.  I read both Christian and non-Christian books, and I enjoyed them all!  They say reading is a good foundation for writing and I've had an opportunity to do a lot....

My high school life was very busy, as people can see.... I also volunteered for a children's program at my church; and I participated sometimes in intramural sports--floor hockey and basketball.  [Have written elsewhere about my social life.]

Some of the police have heard about all or most of the above activities long ago...and they seemed to accept them...?  And it was the African lawyer who stirred things up, whether he wanted me in the police project or not!?  Now the project is mostly done...!

One Hobby/Skill for Enjoyment and Volunteering

As I've said before, the police had told a false story that I was gay from my childhood in order to spice up their campaign....  The former adjudicator has been competing with me in order to keep, or to gain, control of the police project....  And I've said I'd like to write about my hobbies and volunteer work, along with some work experiences, in order to show what my interests were....  Will write about one hobby/skill here which was used in volunteering also....

When I started the third grade, at the age of eight years, my dad sent me to piano lessons which continued for six years.  My parents didn't supervise my piano practise but they bought me a few, Christian children's songbooks which I eventually learned and enjoying playing from.  After a few years, some girls in my class and I took turns playing the piano to accompany singing in our "Sabbath School"/Sunday School.

When I was in the eighth grade, someone suggested to my dad that I should take the relevant piano exam for my piano work--which was then the Grade 8 in the Royal Conservatory [of Music] of Toronto.  It was my first, official piano exam and I passed.  When I started high school in the fall, someone informed me that I had to take a corresponding theory exam which went with the Grade 8 piano.  If I didn't take the theory within a year, I'd lose my Grade 8 status....  I had to hustle a lot and one of my friends didn't like it but I was determined to succeed...and I did.

In high school, I occasionally accompanied singers on the piano; and for a year or two, I was the pianist for a children's Sabbath School/Sunday School class.

In college in England, I was a beginning organ student and I performed a few pieces on the pipe organ at our small, university church.  Later, I played the piano and sometimes the organ for church services and even a wedding.--I did that off and on in different locations, over the years.  Since the landlord/tenant matter, I haven't played in public although I've been asked a few times....

Throughout my life, from childhood, I've played the piano for my own enjoyment, also, whenever I've had access to a piano or keyboard.

Will write separately about some other hobbies and interests.

It's Essential for People to Know the Truth

There are many other people besides myself who're being affected by the special police project but just my case alone has caused a lot of conflict and confusion.  It has been my position that I was under false criminal charges and I'm still under at least some partly false, mental health complaints...not to mention the problems with the previous landlord/tenant matter.  If I can deal with my case, the other parts will start to unravel...and whatever is necessary to resolve my case, I think it's good.

The police seem to have an interrogation technique called "good cop, bad cop," where two officers each assume one of these roles.  I've seen this method used in other places besides in a direct interrogation but in the police project, I think it can be said the police are interrogating me...!? That's the bottom line, in my view.  The "3/4 police" who don't know about the police project are generally the "bad cops" [although they don't really bother me--and I respect them, for sure]; and the "1/4 police" are generally the "good cops." But even within the 1/4, there are "good cop, bad cop" parties, I know.  [And that's okay.]  And sometimes, it seems the roles happen spontaneously without a specific plan in place....

Right now, I'm using a public computer at a place of business where I pay as I go....  I can't take the time to look up the exact date but I wanted to say there are some photos of my camper van--which I mentioned last time--near the beginning [back] of my nature blog....  The police will see I did a lot of work, although it's true I got some help....  And some police have seen many of my garden photos on Facebook....  Also, I could say more about my work--summer jobs in high school which were quite exciting.--If I have time and an opportunity, will write about them separately another day.

Prospective employers sometimes like to hear about a candidate's hobbies and volunteering experiences....  I could write more about these topics, as well, which I believe would have a bearing on my competence and on the false, gay story....  (I've been involved in many Christian and church-related activities; and I didn't have time or an interest in thinking about women.)

Anyway, I hope this post will get us further along in, if not up to the conclusion of the police project....  Maybe the police will have something to think about!?  And they and their associates can soon use their resources for something other than trailing me.... 

Another happy story--Part 2

Continued from below.

In 2004 or 2005, I had told about my country life aspirations to the police I was dealing with at the time (and they ALMOST paid me)...but now a lot of time has passed....  It's probably too late for me because my health isn't great and I'm alone....  But ever since I was a young adult, I've had an interest in organic gardening as a hobby and I've practised it wherever I could....  It's been rewarding and enjoyable.

Have been at my present home for the past five summers and for four of them, I've had a plot in our community garden....  Am planning to continue this year....  Sometimes the vegetables take too much work but I've grown a lot of flowers and herbs, which are easier, and I've been developing a "butterfly garden!" Last year, I even bought a folding lawn chair so I could just enjoy sitting and appreciating the environment, for a while!

Well, my current garden has kept me busy during the growing seasons after my mother passed away! I used to help take care of her.  I've had an active hobby, besides working on my writing!

[My son and his partner recently bought a country home, and they're very happy and excited about it!  If I may say, I think I taught my son to appreciate nature although his father had an influence, also.... Life goes in cycles...and I'm happy for my son.]

******

The police would likely be happy if I could say I've had permanent, full-time work but, unfortunately, I haven't--apart from my writing hours, appointments, court and hearing appearances with correspondence and documents that went with them....  In high school and part of college, I had good jobs with full-time hours during the summers and part-time hours during the school years....  I've also done my photographic art work, which gave me a lot of joy and satisfaction...I've displayed many of my photos on the nature blog but the police haven't really accepted it, so far.... Otherwise, I've done a little of this and that but it wasn't permanent and full-time, as I said.  Maybe the police will be interested in my "country life" story--to show that I've had an enthusiastic interest in something productive (and to show what my interest was)--and there are witnesses.

Another "happy" story, more or less...

This post is continuing from a couple of posts on March 4....  It seems some of the police and their associates are just debating about resolving this case with me; and I'm trying to give them whatever information might be helpful...?

So, I had forgotten that when I was travelling in Europe--in the south of France, specifically--during my college years, I had the privilege of living and working on a large, organic farm for a week and soon after, some church friends began a "back-to-the-land" experience in Canada....  I'd become fascinated with country life at the farm...and I was later able to visit the friends at their new home....  These friends explained all about their life to me and I was eventually able to make an agreement to buy a small piece of their land....

It was quite an exciting project for me and I'd obtained an old van to convert into an occasional, temporary shelter--as a camper--before a small house could be built....  For some reason, I never got around to telling my husband-to-be about it....  We were in touch off and on, at different times; and after we married, I was sort of saving the property as a safety net for myself if things didn't work out with my husband....  Maybe I should've told him about it...?

Anyway, the property deal with my friends fell through on their end--a couple of times!  It was quite disappointing for me...but it had given me hope sometimes....

Continued.

It's Not Frivolous

Was in town for an appointment yesterday and there weren't many people about....  The coronavirus situation is quite serious for everyone to be dealing with and it's not that I want to tell frivolous stories at this time...if some people might think my writing is frivolous...?  However, there's been a lot of stress from the police project for a number of people and I believe we may be close to the end now?  If there's something I can do to help resolve this business, I certainly want to!  Besides, the Internet isn't affected by corona and people may have more free time....

Will continue separately.

Notes About My Notes

When I've said I had anger towards my mother [about her separation/divorce from my dad], it wasn't something that was coming out all the time....  Most of the time, I lived further away from my mom and it was easier to get along with her from a distance....  There were also times that she was friendly and helpful to me, and I appreciated it.  And I also helped her sometimes.  We had a bit of a personality conflict, I'd say, and that made things more difficult....  The anger that I was referring to was something that was unresolved in the background....

When I was helping my mom after she got sick with cancer, I spent more time with her...and I happened to find a book called, "Mindfulness for Teen Anger."  [The "mindfulness" referred to "mindfulness meditation"--have I said that before?]  I read this book thoroughly and it really helped me.  I was pretty much able to handle my feelings and then to resolve the anger completely....  My mom and I had a peaceful time for several years or more before she died.  And I really felt better about it!  It would've been a shame to continue having problems but it didn't work out that way.

P.S.--part two

Will explain about what I meant by still having some eating disorder issues when I was married....

First, I'd been socially isolated--by my choice--when I was ill....  That was something that happened with some eating disorder patients.  I was very ashamed of gaining weight [after I gained weight]....  It sounds silly, or even crazy, but that was a thing for me....  [I later had some OTHER issues in addition to my weight issues, which made me want to be isolated....  I couldn't control my thoughts and I felt that I sometimes embarrassed myself around other people....  The problem was the way I'd reacted--or not reacted sufficiently enough--to the restrictions the residential school had placed on me concerning my relationship with my husband-to-be....  (It's simple enough for observers to say:  No courting was allowed for beginning students...but in practise it was more complicated, because of the living arrangements at the school....  Do I need to write more about this?  Have written a lot already....)  I also felt guilty after some of the bigger binges....]  ***  I had gotten eating disorder treatment in Toronto, and then moved there....  I was enjoying the people and the city, but lived in a small, northern town with my husband....  After I left my husband, I lived in northern Ontario for a while--not in the smallest towns--and then moved to the south....  And then my landlord case came up....  [If I don't get around enough now, it's only from a lack of money....  I don't mind being around people and am happy for it, except I have to be somewhat cautious because many people know my background and they can be nervous....]

Second, there were some relationships to restore with people who teased me about weight when I was young....  One of them was mad at me for a different reason, which she didn't discuss with me...but I found out later....  Have repaired this relationship since.  [Another person was a teenage boy--underage--and he's not in my life now....  He's married....  No need to stir things up with him....  (Except he supports the police....  Whatever.)]

Third, my wardrobe needed some help...and it should've been done before I got married, according to wedding etiquette or whatever....  Economic issues were the thing....  [Eating disorder patients may have trouble with gaining and losing weight, and their clothes can be an issue....]

Fourth, I continued some therapy in the nearest big city when I was married but it cost money to go there...have continued some therapy or self-help when I've had an opportunity since then....  One was a Christian group with a workbook....  I got cut off due to factors beyond my control but learned something practical....  Then I read a great book by an American lady who had suffered, and who did a lot of research on eating disorders....  Great help!  Issues about food and weight and how I thought of them....  (For example, "magical thinking" that thinness will save my life!  I got teased a lot--mercilessly--and it affected me consciously and unconsciously....)  Some girls wanted to have a little-girl, or almost a little-boy image of themselves....  Didn't want to grow up and have an adult image--therefore remaining very small and thin....  I was embarrassed of my anger problem towards my mom earlier...but I got over the anger and the problem....  Generally, I was happy to be a woman, and my husband-to-be had made me feel more feminine.  I needed to have adult emotions and be mature....  I'd say I'm reasonably comfortable with myself now....  The police project is a challenge, as far as dealing with the pressure on me....  (The self-help books say to accept the challenge and find your purpose and fulfillment...!--I'm working on it.)

Last, but not least, some researchers say abuse is involved in most eating disorders...and I hadn't had any counselling on abuse before I got married....  Got some later....  In my opinion, it's good for everyone to know how to deal with abuse and bullying....  It happens to a lot of people, at different times....  (My husband had some abusive tendencies sometimes....) 

Is this going to be enough explaining...?  I suppose some of the gay police and their gay supporters might be looking for anything they suspect might be connected to gay issues...? 

P.S.

[These are some notes continuing from the two previous posts.]

As I've said, my husband was an untreated alcoholic; and I'd say that I was still dealing with some eating disorder issues when I was married even though I'd had some therapy.  I also had some hang-ups from the school where my husband and I had met....  We both had some dysfunction and we did the best we knew....  We can't change the past and my then ex-husband passed away a number of years ago.

The man who was in charge of the residential school has been a supporter of the police project and of the former adjudicator, the last I heard....  About five years ago, I had some indirect contact with this supporter through the police and I discussed some of my previous problems from the school....  At least I was finally able to understand what the man had been trying to say at the beginning, when I met my husband-to-be....  I more or less understood....  It doesn't change the fact that there WERE problems earlier....  Everyone has their view of things....  And it's pretty much "water under the bridge" now....  I can appreciate that.

The residential school was connected to some somewhat similar but larger schools in the USA and they mostly had a good reputation, I believe.

Divorce Happens

Have written lots and lots about my late ex-husband in different places over the years but I'll try to write a little summary about how he made me happy and why I left him....

Spiritually, my husband inspired me before we got married because he had changed his life a lot and he had a good heart for helping people....  Emotionally and intellectually, my husband had a charming personality--when he was in a good mood--and he was very intelligent; and he gave me quite a lot of moral support, at different times....  Physically, he was tall and had broad shoulders, and he was handsome, in my opinion (he had kind of a bushy beard but he kept it clean and reasonably well-groomed, I'd say--not like some of the beards today!).  My husband was a licensed auto mechanic and knew how to fix and build a lot of things; and he was working as a youth worker at a native Indian community centre for part of the time that we were married.

The school where I met my husband-to-be was like a small commune on a farm....  (It's another story to tell what kind of a place it was...!)  I went there soon after leaving England and didn't get any therapy in between but I was doing fairly well at this school, at first....  I started getting stressed because the school management started interfering in my relationship, or friendship, with my husband-to-be....  It was hard for me to understand what was expected because my husband-to-be and I were just acting normal; and at the school, we were all just Christian people who were confined to a fairly small space....  It's not like my husband-to-be and I were going off by ourselves and making out in the woods, or anything...!  Our behaviour was completely proper, in my opinion; and there were communication problems between the management and myself....  My husband-to-be and I could've left the school right away and done our own thing but I was afraid of his drinking problem coming back....

Continued below.

Divorce Happens--part two

Continued from above.

My husband seemed to have quite a severe type of alcoholism which I believe was inherited from his birth father, which I found out later....  [We were both in our twenties when we met, and he had a criminal record at that time--already--from a drinking-related problem....]  He was adopted....  My husband was able to do well and be sober for long periods, just by using his willpower, apparently.  And he was never willing to go for alcoholism treatment....  It's like he was self-medicating for his stress...?  And that was the problem in our marriage, in my view.  The drinking was causing more and more problems which I didn't want to deal with without more supports available; and my husband didn't want to talk to me about things that were bothering him....

Myself, I got a lot of therapy before I got married and it helped me....  I'd have liked to continue my therapy longer but my husband-to-be was rushing me to get married and he was living in a different province, at the time.  I followed him and I was uprooted from all my supports that I had in the community....  There were some new supports but not enough....

So anyway, divorce happens!  It happens to a lot of people!  Some time after he died, I found out my husband had supported the police project for quite a long time; and I felt it was something positive between us...even though we were both heterosexual.  Anybody can help with a humanitarian cause and people don't have to personally identify with the issues at hand....  I'm sure my ex-husband never imagined what kind of a case the police project would turn into...but I know he wanted to help the police (he gave me hints earlier) and I'll make an effort to see things in the best light possible...!

[If people would like to see some photos of my husband and me, they're welcome to go to the second Waterlily blog, under the Label "Husband and Son."]

What happened to the happy little girl?

When I was four years old, I remember moving to our first house and it was a pretty big deal.  Before that, we'd lived in apartments and I had a few memories....  At the house, everything seemed to be going fairly well to my child's mind [and probably in my parents' view]....  Just before I turned seven years, my mom told me we'd be moving to another house so that I could live closer to the church school and attend there.  It seemed like quite an undertaking!  I felt my parents were doing a lot for me.

At the new house, my parents bought me a two-wheel bicycle and taught me to ride it.  The school was a mile away and I was able to ride the bike there in good weather.  My parents also bought me two, children's nature books, which I liked!  It seemed my parents really wanted me to be happy at the church school!

When I started attending the school, I brought one of my nature books with me which my parents had bought; and this book got damaged....  This incident was involved in the trauma that I felt I received from my teacher....

Notwithstanding the mild trauma, I remained enthusiastic about the church school because it was the path my parents had set me on and I trusted them--and they'd taught me to believe in God....  At home, I wasn't as happy--as I've explained several times before--because we could've used family counselling....

My appreciation of the denominational schools pretty much stayed with me until I went to college in England....  Then I was having more trouble with my eating disorder...and I mostly enjoyed a lot of travel opportunities....  At the end of my second year in England, my health and studies crashed....

It was soon after that I went to the small, residential school in northern Ontario and I met my husband-to-be there....  Have written about this experience separately earlier....  We got married a number of years later.  The marriage didn't work out even though we loved each other at the time.  We had a child and I raised him mostly alone; and he's a a responsible adult now....

Continued below.

What happened?--part 2

Continued from above.

My son was a pleasant child although it wasn't easy to raise him....  After he left home, it was even more difficult for me to face an "empty nest."  But I've been working on the police project....

These days, I get a lot of joy and fulfillment from contributing financially to various charities that I believe in....  They send me newsletters and mailings, and I like to hear from them.

When my family lived in our first home, I was happy playing with my friends and the Irishman saw that--living nearby.  After my family moved away, I didn't stay happy in the same way.--I wish I could've.  But I was happy in different ways....  And I had many kinds of experiences.

The Irishman and some of his associates wanted to know what became of my life...so this is a brief outline....  Have written more in the second blog earlier....

Being More Thorough

The police in the special police project have earlier told happy stories about my childhood and I appreciated them...so if some things still aren't clear, I'll give a more thorough explanation....  (Some police or their associates want to be thorough....)  Otherwise, I do believe we're almost done....

Earlier, I mentioned "sibling rivalry" between my sister and me.  I had started half-day Kindergarten at age five and my next sister was about three years old, at the time.  When they showed us how to draw [with "stick figures," and whatever], I came home and showed my family what I'd learned....  My parents didn't buy us many craft supplies in those days but my sister found scrap pieces of paper from here and there; and she started drawing everywhere--copying me.  One time, she actually pushed a page of her drawings in front of me....  I didn't say anything but I turned away and felt disgusted because it seemed that my sister was trying to show me up--she was trying to outdo me--that was how it seemed.

Later, in our adult lives, my sister was talking about those days and said, "I wanted you to like me."--And don't they say "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!?"  But I think my sister must've felt lonely when I was at school?  I wasn't going away to get away from her...!  Also, my best friend had a sister who was the same age as my sister, and we all used to play together....  When we started school, my friend and I seemed to unconsciously leave our sisters behind....  We learned how to use the telephone and we phoned each other to arrange our play times....  And we played with our friend Billy, who was our age; and there was another girl our age who we sometimes played with....

My sister must've felt more and more left out and I didn't realize it!  She only irritated me by copying me and it continued at different times....  When my sister started the first grade, she seemed to like her teacher a lot.  By that time, I'd had the unpleasant experience with my first, church school teacher; and I was consciously or unconsciously resentful of my sister....

[Have I mentioned before that this sister and I made friends with each other just after our parents separated for the first time...?]

Will write some more separately.

Our Main Work is Done, IMO

So far, I haven't seen any definite evidence that the French lawyer and his associates were the ones who wanted me to write in the hospital so I'm not going to speculate about it....  As for the city police, of the "quality police," and their spokesman, I wonder if they thought they were still going to go forward with LGBTQ issues???  [Have seen evidence that the Polish lawyer and his associates thought they were going to go forward--and they were "waiting" for me....  Have written about these people before....]  It's quite a revelation to me, if so....  I had thought they were with me earlier but it now looks like they dropped off in about 2004, when some issues came up...?  It's no wonder they weren't able to come forward to take over from the former adjudicator!  Anyway, I don't want to say anything that I'll need to correct again....  I just feel surprised--and somewhat relieved.

At my home, I don't have access to TV news but my son told me something about the Christian cake baker in the USA....  Even though this baker had won his case against a gay couple in the Supreme Court, it turned out that he was losing business at his bakery...!  The public in the USA seems to get it that they can't discriminate against gay people...!  And that's significant, in my opinion.  In Canada, we had gay rights before the USA but even the U.S. is catching up...! 

Where our special police project is concerned, I believe there isn't too much more to do with gay rights--except that people could continue examining or haggling over minute details....  The main work is done, as far as I can see....  And all we need is for the police project to be exposed...people would like to hear about it...and I've been under false, mental health charges and there's been confusion about my previous landlord/tenant matter....  The truth needs to come out! 

Will be watching to see what reactions I'm getting from the main parties--the REAL parties....  If I had a computer at home, it'd be easier for me to write every day but it's not possible now....  I appreciate the libraries.... 

[In Canada, I believe the conservative Christians got the message last fall when I was writing in this blog that they can't hold back gay rights much longer--they were trying....  The African lawyer probably gave advice--in that case I'm pretty sure--and the Irishman has been said to be talking to him....  The Irishman is one of the head people right now, in the police project...?  The only other question is if they want to know more about my life and childhood...?  (Whatever.--I can write a little more, if they need it...!?)]

Correction(s)

Last Friday, I was harassed by an obnoxious man who was associated with the police....  He wasn't a police officer but was one of their informants, or whatever...?  This man has harassed me once or twice before....

Don't know if there's a connection with the above but last week in this blog I probably erred when I wrote that the African lawyer had wanted me to do more writing earlier?  Maybe the opposite was actually true?  Some people have wanted the former adjudicator out of the police project, and I've heard the African lawyer also wanted me out?  (And if that was his opinion at the time, he was entitled to it....)

When I've written about the "quality police" in the past, I've usually thought of them as both some city police and as some Mounties....  I also thought of a certain, civilian man who was a spokesman for the city police....  However, it's possible these city police and their spokesman were the ones who were only involved with my writing from about 2002-2004, or so?  They weren't involved after I went to the hospital?  [Not for the LGBTQ issues?--They had some other business concerns, which we dealt with?]  I believe there've been some Mounties and/or American police who were involved?  And these were the ones who wanted me to keep on writing after the adjudicator's associates decided not to pay me yet...?  This special project has been so discreet that not all the parties have known what the others were doing...!  The French lawyer and his associates fit in somewhere but I haven't completely figured them out, so far.

Anyway, if the African lawyer is supposed to give advice, I'm sure he'll comment as things are revealed to him....  He can't comment on things he doesn't know....  And I'll try not to confuse my facts about him.

Maybe the police who wanted me to write while I was in the hospital would like to come forward, one of these days?  I think we're probably ready for it?

My Blog Description

Last week I changed the blog description at the top of the Home page and I believe it's more accurate now.  When I started this blog at the beginning, it was a little hard to say what I wanted or needed to....  The blog provider doesn't allow much space, either, so I've had to be quite concise....  I believe the new description is better and the conditions are more ready for me to say what's going on....

They Made a Mistake--part two

To me, it was a nice idea that the former adjudicator's associates even CONSIDERED paying me in 2005....  These were the people who had hired the adjudicator to work for them, I believe?  And they didn't care what the adjudicator thought at that time?  Am just trying to get clear on what happened after, apart from the African lawyer's involvement?  I want to know exactly who I'm dealing with, I mean, and what their issues are?  This business has been so complicated that I think it's hard for anybody to be completely clear on everything, unless things are pointed out at times? 


If necessary, I'll explain a little more about my childhood...but I want to get through these other issues first...?  I don't want to take up too much time if it's not needed...?  And I believe I have legitimate concerns for today.... 

They Made a Mistake...and ALMOST apologized

There was actually a false or mistaken reason why the then adjudicator had been asked to flirt with me at the beginning...have written about this somewhere earlier....  The former adjudicator and his associates have never apologized so far--except the associates were almost going to pay me in about 2005....  Then the African lawyer stepped in and was stirring up my business....  He didn't completely lie about me but he put me in a bad light...and I believe he wanted me to do more writing....  [I did a fair bit of writing from 2002-2005, or so.] 


In 2006, when I was in the hospital, I learned that the police were connected to a former teacher of mine--he was young and single when I knew him, and it turned out he was gay....  This man had since died but the police remembered him...and on a class trip to Quebec, this French teacher had introduced some students and myself to a couple of his friends....  They seemed to be twins--one was a "happy" or "good" twin and one was "sad" or "bad"--and was it said [later] that one or both of them worked for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation/CBC...?  Anyway, this was when I realized the special police project didn't start with the landlord/tenant business that I was involved in...and my writing took off from there [with many prompts from the police and their friends].  Twins have been used to represent gay couples, and not to mention that the CBC connection was an issue--along with many other connections....


Also when I was at the hospital, a credible person gave me a hint that the adjudicator and/or his friends were purposely putting pressure on me, at that time, if I understood correctly...?  Was the adjudicator involved in this activity and information...and if so, did his associates know about it...?  [Or was it his own idea and intention...???]  Or was it the African lawyer and his friends who were involved???  [Or was I mistaken about the information?]  It's been hard to pin people down...!?  But we need to get the right facts, if there's an issue here? 


In 2004, I heard the African lawyer had been given authority to handle my finances/my pay in the special police project....  It was up to him when I'd get paid, that is.  [Even if he didn't know how much money was involved...?]  That's what I understood.  Now, a lot of time has passed and nothing has happened yet....  Does he still have authority?  What are his plans...?  Does he--and his associates--want to take credit for me being detained this long?  Just wondering...?


Well, the former adjudicator's associates/superiors ALMOST paid me in 2005....  And as a friend of mine used to say, "Almost isn't good enough!"  What is the position of these people now, exactly?  Are they aware, and do they understand that the African lawyer got involved...???  Do they still need for the adjudicator to be involved in the police project???  [And what about the Polish lawyer and his associates?  I'd like them to be aware of this post....  (I wish they'd get a clue, one of these days--if they're supposed to be smart people...?)]

Facing Off--part 2

Continued.

The former adjudicator has more experience in public speaking than I do--I presume...?  I'm an introverted person but I can speak when I need to...and I got a good grade in my Speech class in college....  As far as that goes....

As far as I understand, it had been wanted for the adjudicator to put pressure on me, legally...and he did that...whether anybody wants to admit it or not?  And the adjudicator may be disappointed about not being the spokesperson, if he loses...?  I can believe he's an ambitious person--whether he wanted the power or fame or money, whatever?  And I believe he should be fairly compensated, financially!  No problem.  [I believe he should get less pay than I get...and if he wants to get more pay, he should help to make sure that I get all the pay that I'm supposed to be getting...even if it's from various sources...?  Just an idea.  I don't want to be ripped off, that is....]

Have pointed out before that there's a movie called The Man Who Knew Too Little.  [I don't have time to look it up right now but I believe it was released in 1999?]  I believe this movie is like a political cartoon about the adjudicator and the position he's been in, in the police project...!?  The young people know how to access movies from Netflix and other sources....  The adjudicator and some of his police friends HAVE NOT known everything that's been going on in the police project...!  And I've been doing a lot more than they expected....  [They should get a clue from all my writing that something has been happening....  And I'm not seriously confused about anything!]  Some other police have also been working--am not saying I've done all the work....

The former adjudicator and I can continue to face off until one of us is defeated...!  [It seems to be what the quality police are demanding...?]  And that's fine....

Facing Off...

So, between the former adjudicator and myself, who'd make a better spokesperson for the special police project???  That's what I want to deal with here....

Who looks better in a criminal matter--the alleged victim, or the alleged perpetrator...?  Who looks better--a false accuser, or the falsely accused...?  Who is left standing...?  Yes, I've been forced to take medication for my nerves or whatever, but the adjudicator himself was voluntarily asking for medication to help him cope earlier....  And the purpose of medication is to help a person think clearly...and the medication does it's job....  I'm not at a disadvantage in this regard as long as I'm able to do what I need to...!  [And people can deal with their health and cope with the side effects of medications....--Not to say this is the conclusion to the whole matter but it's sufficient here.] 

It's true that I embarrassed myself by sending a sexual letter to a place of business, even though it was intended for a specific individual in a personal matter....  And I've made amends and said I was somewhat confused....  The letter apparently wasn't wanted and the individual was allegedly happily married....  Have said I was reckless about the married part....  At the beginning, I'd asked if the person was married and I expected a response immediately if he was....  But there was no response...and it turned out there were other reasons for not responding....  And I mostly put the possibility of being married out of my mind, mistakenly....  The thing was that the adjudicator had flirted with me on the day we first met...and he APPEARED to be quite serious, from my side....  And he had been actually HIRED to flirt with me and to draw me into the police project...!  Also, he'd been hearing about the project and about me for several DECADES earlier, without my knowledge...!  He was already acquainted with me, in other words, and he said later that he'd appreciated me....  These factors had an influence on how I saw the adjudicator and his flirting, at the time--even though I had no way of knowing the whole story immediately....  And this flirting was PARTLY responsible for my confusion about the situation when I had sent the sexual letter....  [Have written about this entire matter earlier....]  I don't believe I need to be entirely blamed for sending the sexual letter, and it was intended as a joke....

As for working for the police project, who has done more???  The adjudicator has done some consulting with the parties, I'm sure....  Has he done writing--maybe a little, if any?  Myself, I'm sure I've done ten times, a hundred times, maybe a thousand times more writing than the adjudicator has???  The parties haven't consulted with me directly but there's been indirect communication....  Most of my writing was mailed to a specific place in California, but there's some available in my blogs....  I can't prove what's been done in the past but the blogs remain...!  I haven't seen that the adjudicator has a blog, or any information on the Internet...?  And if people don't like the Waterlily blogs, I have the nature blog as well--to show what kind of a person I am and that I'm sensible and helpful....  I'm creative and I've done a lot of photography, over the years....  [The nature blog hasn't been promoted much, partly because the police were resisting it...?] 

Will continue separately.

They've wanted him out...

If I'm interpreting it correctly, there's some recent information in my blog dashboard which shows that the "quality police" [and perhaps the French lawyer and his associates?] still want the former adjudicator out of the police project...and they want me to do it, without coming forward themselves...?  Okay, so I'm going to try...and I may be able to do it...? 

If the quality police don't want to reveal themselves, I'll have to work as if I'm competing with the adjudicator, myself, for the spokesperson job...if the adjudicator is fighting for that  privilege???  That's why he hasn't given in yet...?  And it seems logical to me...as logical as it is....  If and when I succeed in defeating the adjudicator, then I'll be able to turn my power over to the quality police and/or to the French lawyer....  That's my plan....  [I don't know if I might still have to negotiate any issues with these other parties...???  We'll deal with it later, if so...?  But they might be happy if I can succeed, I'd think?]

My Blog Profile Photo

Speaking of photos, I've attempted to change my blog profile photo today--changed to a more recent photo--and there seems to be a problem....  The picture is out of focus, although the original photo and the scan were fine....  Okay, that's all right....  This photo was taken in August 2016.  The previous one was a fair bit older.  Sorry I didn't have a chance to change it sooner....  [Maybe the malfunction will get corrected, or maybe I'll have to wait for another time to try again...?]

The Bad Photo--part two

To be very clear, I mentioned in Waterlily II that my next [younger] sister and I developed a problem with sibling rivalry.  That was the main issue, which started after I began attending school.  I felt my sister was bothering me and my dad had observed [which I found out later] that I wasn't as happy at home any more....  My mom had her own ideas, based partly on her own childhood experiences.  [My sister as much as told me later that she missed me after I began attending school and she wanted attention from me.  I could've helped her, if I'd known!]  So, my parents mistakenly concluded that I was having problems at the public school...and that's when they decided to send me to the church school....


Also, when I first started attending the new school, I had an incident where it seemed my teacher was putting me down when I was asking for help...and the matter wasn't resolved satisfactorily....  It concerned a problem I had with another child on the playground, or at the edge of it....  Looking back, I believe I was a sensitive child and I know I suffered some trauma from this entire matter.


Am not trying to explain all the issues in detail here because it'd take too long and I've already written about them elsewhere.


My seven-year-old, school photo was the first school photo I ever had taken, I believe, and of course I should've combed my hair...and I failed to do so.  My parents did the best they knew by sending me to the Christian school....  They meant well.  [Am not trying to knock the school but there could've been other options--like family counselling--and I could've gone to the Christian school a little later....]


Mistakes happen...and I had a bad photo...and the police used it to their advantage....  [And maybe they honestly wanted to know what my explanation was...?  And that's fine....  So, I've given the explanation now.]

The Bad Photo

The main thing that was bad in my childhood, school photo--at seven years old--was my hair.  I had "hat hair," and perhaps a bad haircut besides?  My parents were very busy, at that time....  The photographer should've asked me to comb my hair....  [Did I normally comb my hair at school?  I would hope so.  I sure did after this photo!]


And oblivious of my hair, I had a big smile on my face!  I was new to the school that year and my parents had gone out of their way--on more than one count--to send me there and to help make it a worthwhile experience....  It was a private, Christian school.  My parents had helped me feel special for going there....


Later, I found out my parents had had other concerns about my education...and they weren't necessarily right...!  They had failed to talk to me about their concerns before they decided to send me to the new school....  I could've explained some things to them about my own feelings and behaviour--and that I didn't actually have any problems at my former public school....


It was my parents who erred, in a sense....  Sometimes, "The good is the enemy of the best," and in this case the church school was good but not as good as a little family conference would've been....  Have been writing about this matter in the public and private parts of my blogs.... 


The above-mentioned photo looked a little "thwarted," maybe.  I accept that.  But it wasn't gay--not to say gays are thwarted....


[Sometimes the police have needed a specific response to a particular detail....  So, this is one here, if it wasn't clear before...?  I don't think I'm going to have too much more to say for the special police project, in my blogs--not before things are settled...?]

They Don't Have to Like Me to Do Business

The police and their associates don't have to appreciate my life and the religious views of my family....  The main point of why I was explaining things that happened in the past was so people could see that homosexuality or sexual orientation weren't the issues....  I had other concerns....  [--And I'm pretty much done with all my writing.--]


As far as I understand, some of the police have already accepted the offer I made to contribute from my pay to their police work and/or charities to help make up for the loss of the false, gay story....  A few other parties have still been dragging their feet?  I'm trying to understand what the hold-up is...?


Maybe the "quality police" will need to show some gumption and come forward one of these days...?  They're leaving me in a bad place by remaining out of sight....

Lawyers Are Helpful

The police don't have to work with me directly...a business-like way of handling things is to use a lawyer....


When the police and their associates get to the point where they want to settle with me, they could have their lawyer contact me.  Then I could get my own lawyer, probably through Legal Aid to start with?  I'm not in a position to initiate legal action, myself....


Have said before that some of the lawyers in the police project aren't authorized to practise law in Canada so they wouldn't be the ones to act....  Not unless they wanted me to get my own lawyer to work with them...?


Just some things to think about.

We Need to Work Together...

If anybody is interested, I've written some new posts in my Waterlily Story II blog about my childhood and personal life.  The posts go with some previously-posted photos.  I've tried to be as open as I can be.


Have mentioned before that the special police project and parties involved were shown a picture of me when I was seven years old and told a false story that I was gay.  I no longer have this photo and it was a bad one....  But bad photos happen at times, for different reasons....  In my writing in the private part of this blog, I've recently worked through some mild trauma that I faced when I was seven years old....  It was the last piece of my past that I felt I needed to deal with....


During my childhood, I sometimes felt shame for family problems at home while my Christian friends at school seemed to have good, orderly lives....  But we do what we can to fix things...and I've realized that my family had many happy times with our relatives and with the immigrant group we belonged to....  [Not that our family was never happy on our own.]  There are good times and bad times in life, and we want to focus on the good....  I'm learning to do that and to appreciate what I had....


As for the police project, I've been able to cope with help from God and from a mental health agency.  Now the agency has cut me off because they said I don't need them any more and other people need help.  But the police have had me under so much pressure that I need to have some human support.  My family and friends have been told I'm delusional.  It's not that the agency believed everything but they gave me some practical support while I was working on the issues....  Other people can't relate to me.  So, I need for some police or someone to come forward and acknowledge the issues.  We need to work together if anything further is going to get done?


My chiropractor has informed me that my health is getting worse, in spite of my best efforts to help myself and to pay for many kinds of treatments....  The problem is the stress I'm under, I believe.


The "Irishman" who is now in charge of the police project gets advice from the African lawyer...and his father was a political prisoner in Africa who got sick and died in captivity, as far as I know.  The persecuted become the persecutors, is that it?  The son is persecuting me...and for what???  I really need to see a change.

Negotiating...

If someone is trying to give me hints in the blog dashboard today about exposing the police project, it seems they're saying something about the adjudicator...???  It seems he's wanted to have some control, in my past dealings with him...?  How would it be if I went first with the church magazine, and then the adjudicator and his friends did a little show--probably a Canadian one?--and then the actual, main project could be announced later--maybe at Halloween??? 

Some of the parties are still resisting the "quality police" and they don't believe they exist, with their program and show....  If so, we'll keep negotiating....  But I'd like the quality police to consider if they'd allow the adjudicator to do a small show or announcement, as I've said...?  Could it hurt???  Maybe we could all negotiate how things could be done...???  Some things to think about!?

Still Want to Negotiate...

Today I tried to scan my letter to the police chief in the private part of this blog but I wasn't allowed to do the function....  [The police are blocking me, I believe?]  Just wanted to show that my letter was sensible and that I said I was willing to negotiate some details, if necessary...?  I'd like to continue negotiating about the church magazine...over the next few weeks or months, or so...?  [I won't contact the police chief again, I don't think, unless maybe if he contacts me...?]

Will also be doing some other writing in the private part of this blog....

Was just going to add that if I was allowed to publish what I wanted in the church magazine, it'd be a limited circulation....  I think the police, themselves, should be prepared to have their story picked up by the American media...?  It hasn't been only a Canadian police project and the issues have affected the USA, and even the world....  My letter could be an "opening act...."  Anyway, the police also gave me a clue about another opening act, in my blog dashboard...?  Or someone was hoping...?  And if the police have better plans, that's fine...?  But I haven't seen enough to have confidence in them, so far....  And I know they're busy with their day jobs....  Whatever....

Also, it may be a reasonable or possible option that the police chief would pass my letter and information on to the local RCMP, who hold all the criminal files...?  I believe that happened once before when I contacted another police agency...?  [And a police officer told me specifically that it could happen....]  These Mounties used to be involved with the special police project directly a number of years ago...they were one of the parties who got left behind at a certain point...but they had certain civilians who were connected to them....  If they pass on my info to their friends, that could be helpful...!?  I know some of them are still in this community....

I Didn't Get Into This Business Alone

According to my blog dashboard and some stats, were the secret police trying to say they didn't want me to tell about the police in my letter to the church magazine...???  Or am I misinterpreting things...?  Anyway, I don't know if I'd want to get published without telling about the police...?  [And as I've said, if I don't get permission I won't contact the magazine.]  The police are part of the story....  And most heterosexual people don't care about the landlord/tenant matter, especially not now--so many years later! 

It was a fact that the adjudicator flirted with me under false pretenses--and he was working for the police....  I didn't get into all this business alone....  I think the whole story needs to be told, if it's told--even in a limited way, at this point.... 

Have mended fences with the adjudicator--I believe--and I've offered to pay to charity in place of the false, gay story....  If people are stalling, the fault is going to be with them from here on...?  I'm not sure if my local, police chief will be able to help or not...?  And if he can't, he can't.  It's possible he doesn't know much...so what can he do...?  [I gave the name of another police chief as a witness, but that chief also has limited knowledge--I'm pretty sure....] 

The police need to make an effort to help themselves!  I know they're busy with their day jobs, and this police project is on the back burner for them...!  But they've got to use their heads and not hang onto unrealistic expectations...and they need to speak up if they have any legitimate concerns...?  And some may still be prejudiced against gay issues...?  I think I've pretty much said what I can....

Do The Police Have Something Better...or not...?

After researching the police website and community information further, it seems the police are willing to receive letters but they'd rather have them sent in the mail than by personal delivery--even to the front desk...?  [There doesn't seem to be a front desk, for the headquarters?]  So, I put my package in the mail yesterday, by special delivery....  They said it should arrive within a day or two...?  Hopefully, it'll get there safely....  And it may take a little while for the police to respond, if they're going to...? 

Again, I'd like to say that if the police can come up with something better than what I've suggested, that's fine...?  But if they can't, I really hope they'll cooperate with me....  [If some of the police don't know about the special project and they're observing my mail, they may be anxious for a short time...?  Wondering what I'm doing...?  And that's okay....  They can watch...!] 

Can We Make More Progress?

Today I typed a letter for the police chief....  I believe it's coherent and concise, and logical--if someone wants to believe in the special police project....  If some observers want to scoff, that's their business....  If I can get a drive to the headquarters building in the next town, I'll deliver the letter early next week, I expect...? 

Have tried to scan a copy of  my magazine letter in my private blog but had trouble....  Maybe they don't want me to scan it, at least not now...?  So, sorry.... 

Life isn't perfect and the police project hasn't been perfect...!  We've all just been doing our best...!  Sometimes we might have to take our share of stressful issues...?  At least some things have been resolved....  [My new eye doctor even wants to tell me that my eyesight has improved a little...?  Is that the truth or was there an error...?  Still working on it...?]  And we want to go forward and make more progress....  At least, I do.  [Have I missed anything...?]  There's been progress in the past and I really hope it'll continue...!?

An Opportunity--Part Three

Have completed a new letter which I believe covers our issues fairly well....  Am thinking I'd like to send it to my local police chief, for his officers in the special police project...?  It'll take me a few more days to get an accompanying letter ready....

The police and their associates need time to get themselves organized and up-to-date, in my opinion, and I think the church magazine really could help...?  And if people don't like this idea, maybe they could come up with something better?

Will probably post the new letter in my private blog, also, but will work on this other matter first....

An Opportunity--Part Two

Have found my newspaper letter from my files....  It seems that I didn't mention the police project in it, after all, but I believe that if I was able to bring it up it'd help me to get published?  [Would need a letter of permission from the police....]  And as I said, I don't have to reveal very much....  I'll state only that the police will tell more when they're ready to....

One issue is my blog...would the police want me to promote it, or not?  It might be better not to, if the police want to wait until Halloween to make their announcement...?  Whatever they think...?

The newspaper letter was written in about 200 words, according to requirements...but I could re-write it and expand it, a little?  If the police would like to be ready for Halloween, I think we really need to start making some concrete plans now--or soon....  I could give them a copy of a new letter/article for their approval...?  Maybe I could post it in my private blog...?  The police need to seriously consider if this kind of a letter would be good to break the ice and to be kind of a warm-up to their own announcement?  I believe some church people would support us, also...and they'd support me more, especially my family....

The Polish Lawyer

In about 2003-2004, there was a Polish lawyer working with some of us on the gay issues and film/TV....  We all worked quite well together, in my opinion....  Then I got cut off, as I've mentioned, and it seems the Polish lawyer was soon left behind--by about 2005, if not before?  He wasn't fully informed about all that was happening...and he hasn't been willing to take my word for it...?  I believe he also had his own connection to film/TV people...?  Maybe?

One of these days, it'd be nice if the Polish lawyer and all of us got onto the same page...?  It might or might not happen?  Some of my church friends have been connected to the Polish lawyer and it's hard for me to talk to them....  My magazine idea really might be helpful...???  Anyway, we can think about things...?  I may not have time to go to the library every day to use the computer, in the next few weeks, but I'll be working.... 

An Opportunity

My church publishes a national, Canadian magazine once a month and they're now asking people to send in their personal stories for their website.  Would like to ask permission from the police if I could turn in something like my letter to my local newspaper earlier, which didn't get printed...and I'd like to have some back-up for my comment that some police are working on a special project...?  We'd need to have more than my say-so....  This is something to consider in the coming weeks...?

Don't have a copy of the above letter in front of me right now but I believe I still have it in my files?  Have shown it to the police earlier in my private blog....  All I'd need to have from them is a letter or email stating something like, "You have our permission to submit [the enclosed letter] to---."  We don't have to give many details, for now....  It'd help my credibility and people would take me more seriously...and I think it may be time to start revealing something about the police project...?  [Not too much right now, as I said....  I could explain very clearly that "Further details will be provided at a later date--not necessarily by me...."]

A long time ago, I asked this magazine if they'd like to do a story on me and they said no, at the time.  But I've had new developments since then and I'd like to try again....  Also, I believe some church friends would be very happy to see something positive going on...they've been waiting and wondering for a while...! 

Requesting Some Help

Between the former adjudicator and the quality police spokesman, I've heard that one or both of them have had a plan to increase the film/TV work after the so-called [false] gay story about me was exposed....  Am not sure where the French lawyer stands on this issue, but possibly he supports them?  And I'm not sure if there's been any modification to this idea recently...?

If it was really the Irishman who cut me off in about 2004 and if it's true that he doesn't care for the film/TV activities, I wonder what he thinks of the above?  Would he be willing to cut these people--and all the police--off...?  The only thing we need is the final, official movie for the police and their supporters when everything is settled?  Otherwise, maybe the police can tell stories about their other work to the film/TV industry if they need to but they shouldn't tell stories about me any more?  Would that be fair?  And if it wasn't the Irishman who cut me off in 2004, it was someone else--someone with a lot of power...!?