Even though we started off better, the adjudicator and I have both had misunderstandings about each other over the years, with confusion and some hostility at times. But I believe we've been getting those matters resolved....
Sometimes I felt that I was in a superior position to the adjudicator in the special police project. It's possible that my position was more significant, IN SOME WAYS--considering the way that I was chosen.... However, I can appreciate now that the adjudicator has been in a higher station in life than I have.... He's been in a more respectable position and I want to honour that....
In 2013, I was explaining in my private writing that I sent flowers to the adjudicator in 1999 to show respect.... And I believe he understood something about what I said. [We had indirect contact with each other, at the time.]
Right now, the final view that I want to have of the adjudicator is also one with respect. This isn't a romantic thing. I don't know if he'd want that, and I don't want it. But just ordinary respect.
There've been issues with the false, gay story but maybe if we get the genuine details worked out, the artificial ones will fall away [not that it was only the adjudicator's story].... There are also other details about my life that haven't been resolved yet...but I believe it's the right thing for me to regard the adjudicator with respect...and I want to keep this view throughout the future....
Monday, July 29, 2019
Making Corrections...
A couple of posts below, I said it "doesn't matter so much now" that the adjudicator made an error in law at the landlord/tenant hearing long ago. I don't expect to promote my case any more but since news of it had traveled by word of mouth, I don't know what corrections might still need to be made? It's possible there could be some? I don't know, at this point. We'll only tell what's necessary, I'm sure.... If the whole story needs to be told, to correct the mistaken facts, then it'll be told.... But I don't want to make a big deal about it....
Friday, July 26, 2019
"A New Update," other blog
Yesterday, I wrote "A New Update" in my Waterlily Story III blog. At the beginning, and throughout, this blog I'd claimed that the police were holding me in their special police project.... I now acknowledged that my own errors probably had more to do with it than I realized...? And I said that anybody who speaks unfairly against gays in any "polite society" or makes other discriminating comments won't do well in life...until they apologize.... People will hold them accountable....
In my case, I didn't know how to speak accurately and sensibly at my landlord/tenant hearing...and I also told a story about why I blamed my landlady for the way I spoke of her.... It was fair enough for me to stop blaming her, and I did that.... (Today, I also cleaned up a little business with the adjudicator.... And previously, I cleaned up some issues with my personal letters....)
As I also said yesterday, I believe some police appreciated my writing efforts in the meantime--even though everything wasn't perfect.... There were many other people working in the police project, as I've said....
In my case, I didn't know how to speak accurately and sensibly at my landlord/tenant hearing...and I also told a story about why I blamed my landlady for the way I spoke of her.... It was fair enough for me to stop blaming her, and I did that.... (Today, I also cleaned up a little business with the adjudicator.... And previously, I cleaned up some issues with my personal letters....)
As I also said yesterday, I believe some police appreciated my writing efforts in the meantime--even though everything wasn't perfect.... There were many other people working in the police project, as I've said....
Monday, July 15, 2019
The Ladies in NW Ontario
When I was blaming my former landlady for how I'd called her a lesbian, I mentioned in this blog about a small group of church ladies in NW Ontario, where I used to live for a little while. One of them had provided a character reference--and some false gossip which she heard--to my landlady earlier. Another one had told me something after I moved back there, after being evicted, which made me suspicious.... But I didn't have definite proof and I still could've been more tactful when I was talking to my landlady at her house. So I don't want to worry about these northern ladies....
The woman who was a pastor's wife, with a severe psychiatric disability, apparently passed away in SW Ontario in the spring of this year. I just read about it in a church magazine recently. This lady was a little older than I am. May she rest in peace.
The woman who was a pastor's wife, with a severe psychiatric disability, apparently passed away in SW Ontario in the spring of this year. I just read about it in a church magazine recently. This lady was a little older than I am. May she rest in peace.
Continuing From Earlier...
Continued from a post, "To Recap the Landlord/Tenant Matter," May 17, 2019.
Have been thinking and writing lately about the "mistakes that I made in presenting my case" and I decided I'm willing that my case would've been dropped from the beginning.
In the meantime, stories have gone out by word of mouth and in the courts, and I believe it's okay for me to tell the facts--what happened with the Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal and what evidence I had, etc., if necessary....
As far as my landlady goes, she was put to some trouble with all the applications I had made but it was with the permission of the ORHT. And then they wrote an order against me, and in the landlady's and the adjudicator's favour in July 1999, if I recall. Unfortunately, I no longer have a copy of this order.
In 2000, if I also recall, I filed a claim in the Small Claims Court against my landlady. I didn't attend but was represented by a paralegal. At that time, I received a copy of a letter from the landlady's psychiatrist; and I was interested to receive it. And then the matter was dropped.
In dealing with this landlady, I've handled things the best that I've known how. I was at first very unfamiliar with gay issues. Sometimes I was reacting to the adjudicator who it seemed was being harsh with me...but I've been learning to understand things better; and from now on I'll try to be more proactive and not reactive.
Thursday, July 11, 2019
The Winnipeg Show and the Police Project
There seem to be so many details involved and it's hard for me to know which way to go when I don't hear very much back from the parties.... I've made an effort to extend an olive branch.... People may have to take it or leave it!?
What I Did, and Didn't, Say--part two
It's embarrassing for me to admit what I said at the hearing.... I was confused in the way that I said it. Up until now, I've blamed my landlady for not being straightforward with me about her sexual orientation. But I've been willing to admit now that I could've been more tactful with her.... Maybe things could've been different?
At any rate, I said what I did and it wasn't clear.... The adjudicator made some comments in support of sexual orientation and then he said, "Really, I'm sorry, Mrs. Coles, but there's no place for that here...." Then he said "Ah--," and that's when I teased him; and things went on from there....
Was the adjudicator partly offended because he couldn't believe my case could've been based on sexual orientation? Maybe...? Or did he think I was just putting the landlady down...? [He thought I was putting her down because he didn't know how the case could apply to something else, at the time....]
The bottom line, as I see it, is that I didn't explain my case well and the adjudicator became offended by me--and my landlady also showed him the transcripts of the angry phone messages where I first called my landlady a lesbian or gay.... Isn't it appropriate for me to apologize and say that I didn't present a good case? It seems to me it is. [I won't make any other amends because I already sent a donation to PFLAG Canada, for the landlady and the adjudicator....]
To my knowledge, the adjudicator has never forgiven me for the teasing.... Myself, I didn't want to say the teasing was wrong...because it wasn't really a big deal, in my mind.... But something had to give, somewhere.... And as I've said, I've been willing to say I could've cut off my case at the beginning.... [I could've told myself, "Better luck next time...!"--Whatever.]
For the record, the hearing took about two hours and the sexual harassment discussion was only about 10 minutes long.... During most of the time, I found the adjudicator to be fair and a very nice person.... In the police project, some people expected him to give in, at some point.... They wanted him to step away--and to be happy...
At any rate, I said what I did and it wasn't clear.... The adjudicator made some comments in support of sexual orientation and then he said, "Really, I'm sorry, Mrs. Coles, but there's no place for that here...." Then he said "Ah--," and that's when I teased him; and things went on from there....
Was the adjudicator partly offended because he couldn't believe my case could've been based on sexual orientation? Maybe...? Or did he think I was just putting the landlady down...? [He thought I was putting her down because he didn't know how the case could apply to something else, at the time....]
The bottom line, as I see it, is that I didn't explain my case well and the adjudicator became offended by me--and my landlady also showed him the transcripts of the angry phone messages where I first called my landlady a lesbian or gay.... Isn't it appropriate for me to apologize and say that I didn't present a good case? It seems to me it is. [I won't make any other amends because I already sent a donation to PFLAG Canada, for the landlady and the adjudicator....]
To my knowledge, the adjudicator has never forgiven me for the teasing.... Myself, I didn't want to say the teasing was wrong...because it wasn't really a big deal, in my mind.... But something had to give, somewhere.... And as I've said, I've been willing to say I could've cut off my case at the beginning.... [I could've told myself, "Better luck next time...!"--Whatever.]
For the record, the hearing took about two hours and the sexual harassment discussion was only about 10 minutes long.... During most of the time, I found the adjudicator to be fair and a very nice person.... In the police project, some people expected him to give in, at some point.... They wanted him to step away--and to be happy...
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
What I Did, and Didn't, Say
Have been writing recently and have mentioned several times earlier in this blog that I called my landlady a lesbian at the original, landlord/tenant hearing. It was a mistake for me to say, or imply, that it was a cause of action in my legal matters. Judging by his comments in my transcripts, the adjudicator thought I was just putting my landlady down or even making fun of her--retaliating for her claim against me...? But it wasn't what I meant....
Had tried to say I was concerned about sexual harassment...and it sounded like a harsh complaint.... What I didn't know to explain was that the Ontario Human Rights Code also covered the term "discrimination" under "sexual harassment...." I was concerned about discrimination on the basis of my sexual orientation, which was heterosexual and different from hers.... And this alleged discrimination could've been referred to as sexual harassment, in that instance. In the regular courts, the standards were higher but under the Ontario Human Rights Code, they were more flexible....
As I've been saying, I'd previously had sexual harassment from a male landlord and I got some counselling. But I didn't take legal action against him. It was a big step for me to take action against a gay woman...but she had started the action against me....
It seems the adjudicator and his associates hadn't had any special training in judging sexual harassment in housing under the Ontario Human Rights Code, which was supposed to be covered by the then newly-formed Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal.... But I've said that I also erred in not stating my case properly and in not understanding the laws fully, at the time of my hearing. And it was probably more my responsibility to know and explain the law, at the time.... [If I wanted to win my case, I needed to be on top of things....]
Had tried to say I was concerned about sexual harassment...and it sounded like a harsh complaint.... What I didn't know to explain was that the Ontario Human Rights Code also covered the term "discrimination" under "sexual harassment...." I was concerned about discrimination on the basis of my sexual orientation, which was heterosexual and different from hers.... And this alleged discrimination could've been referred to as sexual harassment, in that instance. In the regular courts, the standards were higher but under the Ontario Human Rights Code, they were more flexible....
As I've been saying, I'd previously had sexual harassment from a male landlord and I got some counselling. But I didn't take legal action against him. It was a big step for me to take action against a gay woman...but she had started the action against me....
It seems the adjudicator and his associates hadn't had any special training in judging sexual harassment in housing under the Ontario Human Rights Code, which was supposed to be covered by the then newly-formed Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal.... But I've said that I also erred in not stating my case properly and in not understanding the laws fully, at the time of my hearing. And it was probably more my responsibility to know and explain the law, at the time.... [If I wanted to win my case, I needed to be on top of things....]
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
The Incorrect Comments...
Continuing from the posts below.... At the ORHT hearing, I was mostly able to say what I wanted to.... At the beginning, I didn't say what I really wanted and spoke thoughtlessly.... I called my landlady a lesbian.
However, I wasn't fully knowledgeable about the laws on sexual harassment and could only say what I knew.... As I've said, I'd previously had sexual harassment from a male landlord; and I got some counselling for it. In the counselling, I learned to get in touch with my "gut feelings" and I had a gut feeling the landlady was harassing me out of my apartment.... But I've since learned that you can't prosecute anyone based on gut feelings.... You need to know the law.... [And I did have evidence available about my landlady, but I didn't know how to put it all together, at the time.]
Also, if there was any reason why I would've given my landlady a legitimate reason to evict me, that would've been relevant as well.... Did I give her too much push-back? Did I make her feel uncomfortable for being gay? We might not know the answers to these questions...?
The adjudicator had concluded I was uncomfortable with my landlady's sexual orientation but I don't know if he had a good reason to believe that, considering his error in law...? Regardless, I'd like to be accountable for my part in the problems.... As I've also said, I'd like to disqualify myself at the beginning of my case.... I'm sorry that I didn't know how to do better and this matter has dragged on.... The story wasn't told directly in the news but it seems many people heard things by word of mouth; and I've had to explain things often for their benefit.... I've also learned to understand things better myself....
However, I wasn't fully knowledgeable about the laws on sexual harassment and could only say what I knew.... As I've said, I'd previously had sexual harassment from a male landlord; and I got some counselling for it. In the counselling, I learned to get in touch with my "gut feelings" and I had a gut feeling the landlady was harassing me out of my apartment.... But I've since learned that you can't prosecute anyone based on gut feelings.... You need to know the law.... [And I did have evidence available about my landlady, but I didn't know how to put it all together, at the time.]
Also, if there was any reason why I would've given my landlady a legitimate reason to evict me, that would've been relevant as well.... Did I give her too much push-back? Did I make her feel uncomfortable for being gay? We might not know the answers to these questions...?
The adjudicator had concluded I was uncomfortable with my landlady's sexual orientation but I don't know if he had a good reason to believe that, considering his error in law...? Regardless, I'd like to be accountable for my part in the problems.... As I've also said, I'd like to disqualify myself at the beginning of my case.... I'm sorry that I didn't know how to do better and this matter has dragged on.... The story wasn't told directly in the news but it seems many people heard things by word of mouth; and I've had to explain things often for their benefit.... I've also learned to understand things better myself....
Monday, July 8, 2019
It Wasn't About the Teasing--part one
Have mentioned before that the former Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal/ORHT used to sell official, cassette recordings of all their hearings...and I purchased the tapes for my hearing. Then I typed up some transcripts for the section that was our discussion on sexual harassment.... After reviewing these transcripts, I can recognize more fully that I said something wrong about my landlady's sexual orientation and about my case, at the beginning. Also, it seems the adjudicator wasn't given any training in sexual harassment or human rights when he started his job. The Ontario Human Rights Code used to be handled by the former Ontario Human Rights Commission but the laws were expanded to allow the ORHT to prosecute the Human Rights Code in housing cases.
Even though the adjudicator was partly offended and/or frightened by me because of his lack of training for my case, I believe I had a responsibility to state my case accurately.... And I shouldn't have allowed it to sound as if I was against my landlady just because of her sexual orientation. It certainly wasn't what I meant but it kind of sounded that way.
Earlier in this blog, I've said my landlady was "gaslighting" me. That's a type of abuse that happens. And sometimes I said she set me up to say the wrong things.... It's possible she WAS gaslighting me...? I can't remember all the details of our conversations but I remember a little....
Continued below.
Even though the adjudicator was partly offended and/or frightened by me because of his lack of training for my case, I believe I had a responsibility to state my case accurately.... And I shouldn't have allowed it to sound as if I was against my landlady just because of her sexual orientation. It certainly wasn't what I meant but it kind of sounded that way.
Earlier in this blog, I've said my landlady was "gaslighting" me. That's a type of abuse that happens. And sometimes I said she set me up to say the wrong things.... It's possible she WAS gaslighting me...? I can't remember all the details of our conversations but I remember a little....
Continued below.
It Wasn't About the Teasing--part two
Continued from above.
The thing was that I was trying to clear the air between her and me.... And it's also possible that I wasn't tactful enough with her? I should've focused more on myself and my concerns rather than on trying to ask her or to get her to admit she was gay...! I realize that now.... Before the hearing she never wanted to admit she was gay and even wanted to deny it.... (And she was under psychiatric care, which I have proof of.)
When I went to the hearing, I hadn't processed my thoughts well enough because I'd had hardly any experience in dealing with gay people...and hardly any experience in the courts.... So, I didn't really think about what I was saying and how it sounded.
To recap, the transcripts show that the adjudicator was debating against me partly because he wasn't trained in sexual harassment and partly because I spoke of my landlady's sexual orientation. And it wasn't really about me teasing him or what happened afterward.... I spoke incorrectly of my landlady...and therefore, I want to disqualify myself from prosecuting my landlord/tenant case--which I'm saying retrospectively.... I had a "learning experience" and the experience just got a little bigger!
Again, as far as the teasing went, I don't even want it to be an issue.... And I'll update my Waterlily blogs, as needed and as I can....
Continued below.
The thing was that I was trying to clear the air between her and me.... And it's also possible that I wasn't tactful enough with her? I should've focused more on myself and my concerns rather than on trying to ask her or to get her to admit she was gay...! I realize that now.... Before the hearing she never wanted to admit she was gay and even wanted to deny it.... (And she was under psychiatric care, which I have proof of.)
When I went to the hearing, I hadn't processed my thoughts well enough because I'd had hardly any experience in dealing with gay people...and hardly any experience in the courts.... So, I didn't really think about what I was saying and how it sounded.
To recap, the transcripts show that the adjudicator was debating against me partly because he wasn't trained in sexual harassment and partly because I spoke of my landlady's sexual orientation. And it wasn't really about me teasing him or what happened afterward.... I spoke incorrectly of my landlady...and therefore, I want to disqualify myself from prosecuting my landlord/tenant case--which I'm saying retrospectively.... I had a "learning experience" and the experience just got a little bigger!
Again, as far as the teasing went, I don't even want it to be an issue.... And I'll update my Waterlily blogs, as needed and as I can....
Continued below.
It Wasn't About the Teasing--part three
Continued from above.
NOTE: In the past, I've excused my error about my landlady because I went on in the hearing to explain exactly what I meant.... The adjudicator was ALMOST going to understand me...but then he made an error according to law. This error was a decisive point for him and he rejected my case....
If the adjudicator had had the necessary training, he would've understood my case better--whether partially or entirely.... He'd have had more than my say-so about the situation...and wouldn't have been left to wonder about my incorrect comments.... As it was, the Vice Chair got the right information in about 2001, if I recall, but he didn't share with the rest of his agency; and it was 2004 before this adjudicator was clear on the facts....
If I hadn't made the mistaken comments and had instead stated my case accurately, the adjudicator would've felt less confused, I'm sure. I'm sorry that I gave him cause for concern and I want to take responsibility for what I said.
NOTE: In the past, I've excused my error about my landlady because I went on in the hearing to explain exactly what I meant.... The adjudicator was ALMOST going to understand me...but then he made an error according to law. This error was a decisive point for him and he rejected my case....
If the adjudicator had had the necessary training, he would've understood my case better--whether partially or entirely.... He'd have had more than my say-so about the situation...and wouldn't have been left to wonder about my incorrect comments.... As it was, the Vice Chair got the right information in about 2001, if I recall, but he didn't share with the rest of his agency; and it was 2004 before this adjudicator was clear on the facts....
If I hadn't made the mistaken comments and had instead stated my case accurately, the adjudicator would've felt less confused, I'm sure. I'm sorry that I gave him cause for concern and I want to take responsibility for what I said.
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
A Learning Experience
Have said before that after my landlord/tenant matter was exposed many years ago, I found out some of my friends and acquaintances in my church were gay.... They'd kept it a secret earlier.... So, it was good to know the truth and let them be themselves--more or less--instead of living a lie.... Is it harsh to say that? No, I believe they wanted to come out rather than staying closeted, judging by the reactions I got....
Also, if I'd folded my case at the beginning--on account of the adjudicator and his flirting--I might've still had some questions and some anxiety about what happened...? It might've haunted me for some time, although I'd have tried to move on...? But I learned about the laws, and what was acceptable and what wasn't.... [I'd had a problem just recently with a male landlord and sexual harassment...and I got some counselling at that time, but didn't know about the legal aspect of it....]
If the final authorities had told me I didn't have a case for sexual harassment, I'd have accepted it.... But the Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal was a new agency, at the time, and they allowed for human rights in housing cases.... None of us just knew how the laws applied, at the time....
Also, if I'd folded my case at the beginning--on account of the adjudicator and his flirting--I might've still had some questions and some anxiety about what happened...? It might've haunted me for some time, although I'd have tried to move on...? But I learned about the laws, and what was acceptable and what wasn't.... [I'd had a problem just recently with a male landlord and sexual harassment...and I got some counselling at that time, but didn't know about the legal aspect of it....]
If the final authorities had told me I didn't have a case for sexual harassment, I'd have accepted it.... But the Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal was a new agency, at the time, and they allowed for human rights in housing cases.... None of us just knew how the laws applied, at the time....
A Light Moment Turned Serious
It seems there's just one more thing I can say about the former adjudicator and me. It was an issue that I had sort of poked him at a certain point in the original, landlord/tenant hearing. I've said I teased him...and it was related to the fact that he flirted with me before the hearing.... It's not that I was joking about my case.... We came to a point where it looked like my case wouldn't proceed any further and I almost would've accepted it...but after I "poked" him, the adjudicator [who didn't immediately realize it] gave a speech about gay people; and it helped some details of my case to unravel. We went on to have a lively discussion about sexual harassment....
Some people have said it wasn't fair for me to use this information...but I disagree.... I wasn't joking about my case, as I said, and the adjudicator wasn't joking about what he said...! It turned out to be serious evidence [which was a help later on, with transcripts, etc.].
At the time, the adjudicator was mostly a stranger to me...but it happened that he knew something about me previously. Maybe his feelings were hurt? I don't know. And even his flirting was only, or mainly, pretend according to the schemes of the police project.... But even if it had been serious flirting, I was still there in that office for a reason--and he knew my case was going to be a complicated one before he flirted....
The thing is that I've said my landlord/tenant case turned out to be a learning experience for me. And I don't think I should've been deprived of it because of some kind of loyalty, or supposed loyalty, to a man...? I've tried to give in and be kind on other points...but I don't want to give in on this.... I don't know if the adjudicator would want me to?--He often seems to be resisting my business in the police project a lot? But I don't want to give up this point. Can I agree to disagree...?
When I went to the Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal offices, I had heavy problems on my mind.... My landlady had filed a claim against me and I filed a counter-claim; and I also filed a new claim against her.... I didn't go to the office for flirting.
Some people have said it wasn't fair for me to use this information...but I disagree.... I wasn't joking about my case, as I said, and the adjudicator wasn't joking about what he said...! It turned out to be serious evidence [which was a help later on, with transcripts, etc.].
At the time, the adjudicator was mostly a stranger to me...but it happened that he knew something about me previously. Maybe his feelings were hurt? I don't know. And even his flirting was only, or mainly, pretend according to the schemes of the police project.... But even if it had been serious flirting, I was still there in that office for a reason--and he knew my case was going to be a complicated one before he flirted....
The thing is that I've said my landlord/tenant case turned out to be a learning experience for me. And I don't think I should've been deprived of it because of some kind of loyalty, or supposed loyalty, to a man...? I've tried to give in and be kind on other points...but I don't want to give in on this.... I don't know if the adjudicator would want me to?--He often seems to be resisting my business in the police project a lot? But I don't want to give up this point. Can I agree to disagree...?
When I went to the Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal offices, I had heavy problems on my mind.... My landlady had filed a claim against me and I filed a counter-claim; and I also filed a new claim against her.... I didn't go to the office for flirting.
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